OFFICER 666 



GUSTIN MacHUGH 




FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New York 



n/ 



OFFICER 666 



A MELODRAMATIC FARCE IN THREE ACTS 



BY 



AUGUSTIN MacHUGH 



CoPYBiGHT, 1917, By Samuel French 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned 
that "OFFICER 666", being fully protected under the 
copyright laws of the United States, is subject to a 
royalty, and anyone presenting the play without the 
consent of the owner or his authorized agents will be 
liable to the penalties by law provided. Application for 
amateur acting rights must be made to Samuel Fbench, 
28-30 West 38th Street, New York. 



New Yobk 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 West 38th STREET 



LONDOV 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Soxtthamptoit Stbest 

STRAND 



iw, 






Especial notice shovild be taken that the possession 
of this book without a valid contract for production 
first having been obtained from the publisher, confers 
no right or license to professionals or amateurs to 
produce the play publicly or in private for gain or 
charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the 
reading public only, and no performance of it may be 
given, except by special arrangement with Samuel 
French. 

SECTION 28. — That any person who wilfully or for 
profit shall infringe any copyright secured by this act, 
or who shall knowinglj' and wilfully aid or abet such 
infringment, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, 
and upon conviction thereof shall be punished by im- 
prisonment for not exceeding one year, or by a fine of 
jiot less than one hundred dollars nor more than one 
thousand dollars, or both, in the discretion of the court. 
Act of March 4, 1909. 



NOV 28 (917 

©CI.D 48426 {^ 



Gaiety Theatre, New York, January 28th, 1912 
MESSRS. COHAN & HARRIS 

PRESENT 

OFFICER 666 

A MELODRAMATIC FARCE IN THREE ACTS 
BY 

AUGUSTIN MacHUGH 

WITH 

George Nash and Wallace Eddinger 

STAGED under THE DIRECTION OF 

Sam Forest 

The characters are named in the order in which they 
make their first entrance 

THE CAST 

Bataeto M.W. Rale 

Michael Phelan Police Officer 666 Francis D. 

McGinn 

Whitney Barnes Percy Ames 

Travers Gladwin Wallace Eddinger 

Helen Burton Ruth Maycliffe 

Sadie Small Vivian Martin 

Mrs. Burton Camilla Crume 

Alfred Wilson George Nash 

Watkins Chas. K. Gerard 

Police Captain Stone Ralph Delmore 

Kearney Plainclothes man Thomas Findlay 

The following is a copy of the play-bill of the 
first performance of " Officer 666." 

3 



OFFICER 666 



CAST 



Travers Gladwin 
Whitney Barnes 

Bateato Gladwin's Japanese servant 

Police Officer Michael Phelan No. 666 

Alfred Wilson 
Thomas Watkins 
Captain Stone 

Kearney ^ Plainclothes man 

Ryan. ...'.**'*.*.'.' ^ ^^^^^^^ ^ST'Cer 

Helen Burton 

Mrs. Burton • V^^^ ^"^ 

Sadie Small Her cousm 

Policeman 

5 



OFFICER 666 



COSTUMES 

Travers Gladwin. Act I, smart li,8:ht colored 
business suit. Act II, Policeman's uniform. Act 
III, same as Act I. 

Whitney Barnes. Act I, afternoon dress — silk 
hat, cutaway coat, etc., Act II, same. Act III, same. 

Bateato. Act I, black suit — bow tie. 

Michael Phelan, Officer 666. Regulation New 
York Police uniform. 

Alfred Wilson. Full evening-dress. Silk hat 
etc. 

Thomas Watkins. Smart chauflfeur's uniform. 

Capt. Stone. Regulation New York Police Cap- 
tain's uniform. 

Kearney. Dark colored business suit. 

Ryan. Regulation New York Police uniform. 

Helen Burton. Act I, afternoon frock with frus. 
etc. Act II, evening gown, cloak, etc. Act III, same. 

Mrs. Burton. Act II, evening gown, cloak, etc. 
Act III same. 

Sadie Small. Act I, afternoon frock, furs, etc. 
Act III, evening gown, cloak etc. Act III, same. 

6 



OFFICER 666 




t: 



OFFICER 666 



ACT I 



Scene: Drazmng-room of the Gladzvin Mansion. 

Left 2nd, there is a bay-z^>indow, barred on 
the outside. Portieres on the inside. There is 
an entrance c, with folding doors. When the 
doors are opened, a broad, handsome staircase 
is seen, zvhich leads off R. 

There is a table l. Sofa up l. Several chairs 
and other pieces of furniture to give the room 
the appearance of being richly furnished. 
Large antique chest up r. of door r. Open 
fireplace up r., zvith mantel over it. A pedestal 
on either side of the door c. 

An electric szvitch up l. of doorzvay. Large 
handsome chandelier c. On small table R., 
above door, is large electric stand-lamp 
(Practical). On pedestal R. of c. doors, is 
extension electric light zvith reflector and long 
cord so that it can be carried around the room to 
light 14 p the different pictures. 

The zvalls are covered zvith paintings, all 
richly mounted. Otie of these, ''Blue Boy'' by 
Gainsborough, hangs l. of c. It is beautifully 
mounted and is life-size. Left, over the mantel, 
is a large painting of a distinguished looking 
gentleman, supposed to be Gladwin's great- 
grandfather. 

Curtain rises on a dark stage and when the 
lights are turned on, the room has the ap- 
pearance of having been closed tip for a long 
time. 

9 



10 OFFICER 666 

When the curtain is zvell up, sound of door 
slam off-stage is heard; then key is heard in 
door, and door is opened with considerable 
difficulty. Step is heard outside. Center doors 
open and Bateato enters. There is more light 
in the hallzvay than there is on the scene, and 
as doors open, the lights go up a very little so 
that the Japanese servant may be plainly seen. 
He first disconnects the burglar alarm and tJien 
goes to windoiv l. and opens the portieres. The 
light comes in through the zvindow and lights 
go up one-half. He then goes to light szvitch 
up R. c. and szvitches on c. chandelier. Lights 
go full up. He then begins to take covers from 
the furniture. 

While Bateato is busy zvorking, zvith his 
back to the door c, Phelan enters c. stealthily 
coming from the l. He catches sight of 
Bateato and stops, zvatching him. Bateato 
does not knozv he is there, and continues his 
zvork, at R. of table. Phelan, zvho enters with 
the air of a policeman zvho is about to trap a 
burglar, shows, as he is zvatching Bateato, that 
he is becoming very doubtful that Bateato is 
a crook, and as Bateato turns and sees him, 
he stops suddenly and they both hold the picture 
a moment, looking each other in the eye. 

Bateato. Well, what matter? 

Phelan. That's what I come to find out. 

Bateato. How you get in here? 

Phelan. I saw ye snakin' in and ye didn't latch 
the door after ye. 

Bateato. What you want ? 

Phelan. Information! What are ye doin' here? 

Bateato. (Is about to speak, stops, thinks a mo- 
ment, then shakes his head decidedly) I no can tell. 



OFFICER 666 n 

Phelan. (Loud, severe tone) Can't tell what 
vez're doin' in this house? 

" Bateato. (Shaking his head still more de- 
cidedly) No! 

Phelan. (Going tozvards him) Ye better come 

with me. r ■ i j\ \r 

Bateato. (Stepping back frightened) lou 

take me to jail? 

Phelan. In a minute, if ye don't tell me what 
ye're doin' here. I've been lookin' out for this place 
ever since Mr. Gladwin left for foreign parts, 

Bateato. (Breaking in) You know Mr. Glad- 
win? , . , ^ , 

Phelan. No, I ain't never seen hmi, but 1 know 
this is his house, and I've been kapin' an eye on it 
fer him. 

Bateato. Mr. Gladwin, he my boss! 

Phelan. Ye mean ye're his vallay? 

Bateato. (Positively) 'Ees. 

Phelan. (With change of tone and expression. 
Speaking scvereh and slozvly) Then, what are ye 
doin' here and him tousands of miles away across 
the ocean ? Tell me that. 

Bateato. (Looks zvretchedly at him, then shakes 
his head— frightened) I no can tell. 

Phelan. (Grabbing him by the shoulder and 
pulling him up c.) That's enough! 

Bateato. No — no — wait! (They stop up c.) 
You say nothing if I tell you, plees ? 

Phelan. (Releasing his hold) Tell me first. 

Bateato. (Speaking confidentially as if afraid 
someone would over-hear him) My boss, Mr. Glad- 
win, home ! 

Phelan. Mr. Gladwin home — here in New 
York? 

Bateato. 'Ees ! 

Phelan. Well, why didn't ye say so before? 



12 OFFICER 666 

Bateato. Because no one should know. He 
come, all in secret, on boat to Boston — use other 
name on boat so no one should know he Mr. Glad- 
win. He say, Bateato — me Bateato — Bateato, he 
say, no tell no one I come home — sure he say ! 

Phelan. (Very much interested) What did he 
want to snake home like that for? 

Bateato. (Shaking his head) I no know. 

Phelan. You no, no. Well, if, he comin' here — 
do you no know that ? 

Bateato. No, he tell me come here and wait — fix 
this room — he come here or he telephone. 

Phelan. Did he .give ye a key to get in here? 
[Looking at him doubtfully) 

Bateato. 'Ees — he gave me all bunch keys — 
look! (Shozi'S gold key-ring ivith a number of keys 
attached. Phelan examines it — looks at gold tag 
on ring) 

Phelan. Travers Gladwin ! (Hands them back, 
quite reassured) I guess ye're all right, but Fll have 
me eye on ye from the outside, mind that — and if 
ye're foolin' me or try to get away with anything — 
(Draivs club and goes through pantomime of grab- 
bing an imaginary man and pulling him in. This 
business takes him to doors up c. At door c. he 
stops, turns and winks at Bateato) Are ye wise? 
(He exits. Slam of door is heard) 

(Bateato stands looking after Phelan until the 
outside door slams. He then resumes his work 
of arranging the furniture. When he Jias re- 
moved several covers the door-bell rings. He 
puts the covers on the chest up r. and hurriedly 
exits through door up c. A moment's pause 
and the front door is again heard to slam. 
Bateato and Barnes heard in the hall. 
Whitney Barnes enters c. He glances about 
the room; the collection of pictures hanging 



OFFICER 666 13 

about the room immediately attract his atten- 
tion. He begins looking them over carefully 
as Bateato re-enters.) 

Bateato. (r.) Excuse, ]Mr. Barnes, but did you 
see Mr. Gladwin? 

Barnes, (u. l., still looking at the pictures) 
No, he telephoned and asked me to meet him here 
at five and not to let anyone know he'd returned. 

Bateaio. 'Ees, sair ! 

Barnes. By the way, Bateato, do you know why 
he came back? — And the reason for all this secrecy? 

Bateato. No, sair ! 

Barnes. {Examining pictures again) Strangest 
thing I ever heard of. (Door-bell rings) 

Bateato. Here Mr. Gladwin. (Starts up c.) 

Barnes. How do 3'ou know? 

E'ateato. (Stopping and explaining carefully) 
Because no one but you know he's home. This 
house close up much long time, so no one come. 
(Exits c.) 

Barnes, (l. c. dozvn) His deductions are mar- 
vellous ! 

(Outside door is again heard to slam. Travers 
Gladwin enters c. Goes quickly to Barnes 
and they shake hands zcarmly.) 

Barnes, (l. c.) Well, well, well, "^ 

Travers ! I 

Gladwin, (r. c.) Hello, Whit- f (Together) 

ney, old boy! J 

Gladwin. (Continuing) Didn't expect to see 
me, did you? 

Barnes. No, your telephone message gave me 
the surprise of my life ! 

(Bateato enters and stands up c, watching them, 
delighted at their meeting.) 



14 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. {Pleased, speaking quiekly) Did it? 
You're lucky! I'd give anything for a surprise — 
chased all over the world looking for one, and never 
found it ! 

(Bateato pieks up covers and exits c.) 

Barnes. Well, come along, what's the mystery? 
I'm dying of curiosity. What's happened to make 
you come home like this? 

Gladwin, Watkins ! 

Barnes. Watkins? W.ho's Watkins? 

Gladwin. {Up l.) Watkins is my man — I 
mean, Watkins was my man before I found out he 
was robbing me. 

Barnes. {At table l.) Oh, I remember Watkins 
now ! Jolly good servant ! So he robbed you ? 
Well, they always do. 

Gladwin. Yes, but they don't always get found 
out. I happened to catch W^atkins. 

Barnes. Do you mean to tell me you came home 
just because this chap Watkins was dishonest? 

Gladwin. No. I found that out six months 
ago — but I was on my way to Egypt when I heard 
that Watkins and my lawyer had been corresponding 
secretly before I gave Watkins the bounce. 

Barnes. What lawyer? Not old Forbes? 

Gladwin. Yes. You know he has charge of 
everything for me — keeps all my securities — has 
power of attorney to sign checks, and all that. 
{Crosses to r.) 

Barnes. {Rises) If he was a wrong 'un, he'd 
be in a position to ruin you, wouldn't he? 

Gladwin. {Turns hack) Now you've hit it! 
So I came home to investigate — but I thought he 
might hear I was coming and clear out, so I sneaked 
in under another name — see? 

Barnes. Yes. But what have I to do with it ? 



OFFICER 666 15 

Gladwin. {Crosses to c.) I want you to look 
Forbes up carefully in the morning — without making 
him suspicious — and let me know what you find out. 

Barnes. All right, Fll do that with pleasure. 

(Bateato enters r. Zijiih tray containing tzco de- 
canters, pitcher of water and two glasses.) 

Gladwin. {Crosses below table to l.) Hello, 
Batty! Where'd you dig that up? 

Bateato. Me hide away when we close house — 
no got soda-water all right, plees? 

Gladwin. Yes, it'll do very well. (Bateato 
puts tray on table) Have a cigarette? {Offers 
Barnes cigarette-case) 

Barnes. Thanks! (Bateato quickly takes 
match-box from his pocket, lights match, comes to 
Barnes and gives hint light. He then lights another 
match and does the same for Gladwin) What the 
deuce made you skip abroad in such a hurry? 

Gladwin. I was being bored to death — nothing 
interested me — living the most commonplace, un- 
romantic, humdrum life. That was all my dear old 
governor's fault. He had no consideration for me. 

Barnes. He left you several million dollars. 

{When Bateato has lighted cigarettes, he exits r.) 

Gladwin. That was just it! If he'd left me 
poor there'd have been some use in living — some 
interest trying to make my way in the world ! 
{Crosses r. to mantel) 

Barnes. You're in a bad way, old man. You 
ought to see a brain specialist. 

Gladwin. I know I'm in a bad way, but doctors 
can't do me any good. After I got over the age of 
thinking myself a devil of a fellow, things began 
to grow tame. I was romantic — v/anted to fall in 
love — but I couldn't help thinking every girl I met 
had her eve on mv fortune and not on me. I tried 



i6 OFFICER 666 

to take up some fad that would interest me : I went 
in for these things. (Waves his hand towards the 
pictures) 

Barnes. (Looking over the pictures again) 
You've got a wonderful collection ! 

Gladwin. Yes, but I soon got tired of art — I 
hungered for romance, so I went abroad. I said, 
" If there's a real thrill anywhere on this earth for 
a poor millionaire, I'll try to find it." (Irritated) 
Well, it's all been of no use: every country I went 
to I could find nothing except things my money 
would buy — (Sits r. chair) ^ and all those things have 
long ceased to interest me. 

Barnes. You ought to go to work at something, 
that's what's the matter with you. (Crosses to l. of 
table, and sits) 

Gladwin. I know it, but what's the incentive? 
I don't want any more money — what I have now is 
the biggest sort of nuisance. Just see the trouble 
this story of my old butler, W^atkins, is making for 
me. (Laughing and crossing to r. of Barnes, sits) 
To tell the truth, though, I'm rather enjoying it. 
Coming home incognito like this and trying to do 
things without being discovered. Why, I'm stopping 
at the Ritz. (Around hack of table to l. of it) 

Barnes. But surely they knew you there? 

Gladwin. Not a soul ! I registered as Thomas 
vSmith — no one took the slightest notice of me. I 
even made so bold as to, lunch in the grill room 
and there — (Impressively — leaning over toward 
Barnes) And there, Barnes, the last place in the 
world that you would expect it, I nearly got a thrill. 
She was beautiful ! Golden hair, the bluest eyes, 
creamy white skin — Aha ! I can see her now ! 

Barnes. There are a whole lot of them like that 
in New York. 

Gladwin. She interested me tremendously! I 
wish you could have seen her eat. 



OFFICER 666 17 

Barnes. Eat? 

Gladwin. Particularly the grape-fruit. By Jove, 
Barnes, that girl certainly loves grape-fruit ! 

Barnes. Did she notice you ? 

Gladwin. She was too busy eating. I watched 
her steadily — (Sits) tried to will her to look at 
me — they say you can do it, you know. 

Barnes. (Turning away impatiently) Oh, rot! 

Gladwin. Well, after a time she did raise her 
head, and just as I felt sure she would see me, the 
grape-fruit hit her in the eye. 

Barnes. What ! 

Gladwin. The juice, I mean — and she never 
looked up again. 

Barnes. I thought you had the greatest chance 
in the world at Romance some years ago. 

Gladwin. How is that? 

Barnes. The time at Narragansett you rescued a 
girl from drowning. I remember it made you quite 
famous at the time. According to all ideas of 
romance, you should have married her. 

Gladwin. Did you ever see the lady? 

Barnes. No. Wasn't she pretty? 

Gladwin. She was a brunette. 

Barnes. Don't you like brunettes? 

Gladwin. A dark brunette. 

Barnes. Dark? 

Gladwin. From Africa. 

Barnes. (Rises — going up c.) That was tough 
luck. Well, I can see you need bucking up, and 
I think I've got the right kind of remedy for you. 
(He presses buttoti r. of door) 

Gladwin. (Shaking his head) I'm afraid not — 
I'm a bad case. Nothing interests me any more. 

(Bateato enters R.) 

Barnes. Bateato, has your master any hunting 
clothes at the hotel? 



i8 OFFICER 666 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair ! Plenty here, too — we no 
have time to pack all up. 

Barnes. Plenty here — splendid ! Pack a bag for 
him — enough things to last a couple of weeks. 

Gladwin. What are you going to do? (Rises) 

Barnes. I'm going to show you some excitement. 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair — I pack right away. (Exits 
c. Goes up stairs) 

Gladwin. But, see here 

Barnes, (r. c.) Not a word, now ! If you don't 
like it, you don't have to stay, but I'm going to show 
you a time you're not used to. 

Gladwin, (l. c.) But I don't 

Barnes. (Gay) Well, don't let's argue about it. 
Tell me something about your pictures. (Looking 
at portrait of old gcntleuian, over the fireplace) 
Who's that old chap up there ? 

Gladwin. The original Gladwin, my great grand- 
father. Painted over a hundred years ago by Gilbert 
Stewart. (Crosses R.) 

Barnes. (Crossing to l. and looking tip at large 
painting. Reads on frame) '* Blue Boy " by Gains- 
borough. By George, that's a stunner! Worth a 
small fortune, I suppose? 

Gladwin. You suppose wrong. 

Barnes. What ! A big painting like that by a 
fellow famous enough to have a hat named after 
him? (Crosses r.) 

Gladwin. (Crosses to l. above table) That's 
what I thought, so I begged two old gentlemen in 
London to let me have it. Got them to part with it 
for a mere five hundred pounds — on condition that 
I keep the matter a secret. I was delighted with my 
bargain, until I saw the original. 

Barnes. The original? 

Gladwin. Ah, ha ! It was quite a shock to come 
face to face with that and realize that my " Blue 
Boy " had a streak of vellow in him. 



OFFICER 666 19 

Barnes. What did you do? Put the case into 
the hands of the poHce? 

Gladv/in. (Takes up decanter) Not much! 
That would have given the pubUc a fine laugh. It 
deceived me, so I hung it up here to deceive others. 
It got you, you see. You are the only one I've 
told about it — don't repeat it, will you? {Crosses 
to Barnes) 

Barnes. I'll keep your secret always ! 

Gladwin. Thanks! {Crosses c.) 

Barnes. {Pointing to another picture R.) Who 
painted this? 

Gladwin. That's a Veber. (c. Turning front) 
Do you know, Barnes, the more I think of it — there 
was something about that grape fruit-girl — {Sits 
arm of chair r. of table) 

Barnes. {Looking at other picture r. c.) I like 
these two. 

Gladwin. Something different about her. 

Barnes. Who are these by? 

Gladwin. A blonde 

Barnes. Wliat ? 

Gladwin. And very young 

Barnes. Look here, Travers, what are these two 
worth ? 

Gladwin. {Turning) I beg your pardon. 
Which? 

Barnes. {Pointing to two pictures up r. c.) 
These. 

Gladwin. Guess. 

Barnes. Five thousand dollars. 

Gladwin. Multiply it by ten, then add some- 
thing. 

Barnes. No, really? 

Gladwin. {Goes up and turns reflector hanging 
on pedestal r. of door on pictures) Yes. That's a 
Rembrandt, and this — {Same business) is a Corot. 



20 OFFICER 666 

Barnes. By Jove, they're corkers! (Examines 
old chest up r.) What the deuce is this? 

Gladwin. Oh, let's get the exhibition over. 
(Speaking like a guide explaining pictures, etc.) 
That's a treasure chest — I picked it up at great ex- 
pense. 

Barnes. (Trying to lift it up) You never picked 
that up in your hfe ! 

Gladwin. (On bench r., in same tone and turn- 
ing reflector on different pictures) That's a Sir 
Peter Lely — That's a Meissonnier — that's a Cazin — 
>>that's a Rubens — that's a Reynolds — (Puts light 
back) 

Barnes. I say, Travers — What's the whole col- 
lection worth? 

Gladwin. Oh, close to half a million, I suppose. 
(Crosses down r. of table) 

Barnes. Half a million ! And you go abroad 
and leave all these things unguarded? That's 
ridiculous ! It's a marvel they haven't been stolen. 
(Crosses down r. c.) 

Gladwin. Oh, nonsense ! I have a burglar-alarm 
set here, and I'll wager there aren't half a dozen 
people that know the Gladwin collection is hung in 
this house. 

Barnes. Just the same, it's — (Door-bell rings. 
Both men look at each other surprised) The door- 
bell ! 

Gladwin. Yes. What the deuce does it mean? 

(Bateato comes dozvn-stairs, exits l.) 

Barnes. It means someone's at the door. 
Gladwin. Marvellous ! But what is someone at 
the door for? 

Barnes. To see you, of course ! 

Gladwin. Nonsense ! The house has been closed 



OFFICER 666 21 

for ages, and you are the only one who knows Fm 
home. 

Barnes. Some one has seen you, sure ! 

Gladwin. FU bet anything you Hke it's no one 
to see me. (Bateato enters c, betzveen them) 
Well, what is it? 

Bateato. Two ladies, sair ! 

Gladwin. Two ladies ! 

Barnes. Two — that's good! 

Gladwin. What do they want? 

Bateato. They call for you. They say, will you 
please come to the door a moment. 

Gladwin. {Astonished) Two ladies to see me ! 
Are you sure? 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair ! 

Barnes. (Crossing dozvn r.) There! What did 
I tell you ! 

Gladwin. Did you tell them I was here? 

Bateato. They no ask. Just say, please tell Mr. 
Gladwin come to door. 

Gladwin. Well, you tell them Mr. Gladwin's not 
at home — (Crossing dozvn l.) That Fm away in 
Egypt — (To l. of table) 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair. (Turns and starts up) 

Barnes. Wait a minute! (Bateato stops. 
Barnes goes up r., then over c. to Bateato) What 
do they look like? 

Bateato. (Smiling) Look nice, sair. 

Barnes. Really ? 

Bateato. Oh, fine ! 

Barnes. Young? 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair — much young — come in auto- 
mobile. (To Gladwin) I tell them you no home. 
(Starts to go again) 

Gladwin. (Going up l. to c.) No, wait! Ask 
them to come in. 

Bateato. They say you come to door. 



22 OFFICER 666 

(Gladwin starts out.) 

Barnes. Wait a minute. (Bateato aiid Glad- 
win both stop and turn) Mr. Gladwin said, ask 
them to come in here. 

Bateato. I try. {Exits c. l.) 

Gladwin. Who in heaven's name could possibly 
be calling? (Coming dozvn and over tozvard R. c. 
Barnes conies down to his r.) 

Bateato. (Entering c.) This way, plees ! 

(There is a moment's pause, then Helen enters; 
comes into the room a little zvay, sees Gladwin 
and Barnes, and stops undecidedly. Gladwin 
gives her a look of amazement as if he could 
hardly believe his eyes. Sadie enters very 
timidly. She goes quickly to Helen, and they 
both stand looking at each other, the men watch- 
ing them. There is a moment's pause.) 

Helen. (Speaking in lozv tone to Sadie, and in- 
dicating chair l. of table) Sit down, dear. 

Gladwin. (To Barnes) That's she! 

Barnes. What ? 

Gladwin. Grape-fruit! (Sadie and Helen both 
sit at table, begin a little whispered conversation. 
Same manner as if they had come into a doctor's 
zvaiting room. Barnes is zvaiting for Gladwin to 
go to them. Gladwin is still staring at them) 

Barnes. Go on, see what she wants. 

Gladwin. (Goes over to them somewhat embar- 
rassed, and bows. The girls look at him) Pardon 
me, did you wish to see me? 

Helen. No, we want to see Mr. Gladwin, please. 

Gladwin. (Startled) Well — er — I am 

Helen. Isn't he here? His man asked us to 
come into this room. 

Gladwin. What Mr. Gladwin do you want? 



OFFICER 666 23 

Helen. Why, Mr. Travers Gladwin. Is there 
more than one? 

Gladwin. (Glancing at Barnes) Well, that 
is — do you know Mr. Gladwin? 

Helen. {Adore surprised) Do I know him? 
(Suddenly bursts out laughing. Sadie looks dis- 
tressed, when Helen laughs) Well, I should think 
I do know him ! I know him very, very well. (She 
glances again at Gladwin, drazvs herself up a little 
and sojuezi'hat angrily) You don't suppose Fd come 
here to see him if I didn't know him, do you? 

Gladwin. No, of course not ! It was stupid of 
m.e to ask sucli a question — forgive me — (Helen 
turns as if to speak to Sadie. Sadie is fidgeting 
about in her chair, looking prim and most uncom- 
fortable. Gladwin stands a moment perplexed, and 
then crosses to Barnes. Helen is interested) I 
rather think Gladwin's gone out, hasn't he ? 

Barnes. (Beginning to enjoy the situation, and 
smiling) He was here only a few moments ago. 

Helen. (Rising) Oh, I hope he's here. You 
see, it's awfully important — what I want to see him 
about. 

Barnes. (To Gladwin) Why don't you find 
out if he's in? 

Gladwin. Yes — (To Helen) If you'll excuse 
me a moment, I'll see if — (Going towards her a fezv 
steps) May I give him your name? 

Helen. (Starts to speak, hesitates, glances 
around at Sadie. Sadie beckons to her) Just a 
moment, please. (She crosses to Sadie aiid Sadie 
zvhispcrs something to her) 

Gladwin. (Going quickly to Barnes and speak- 
ing aside to him) Try to find out what it's all 
about. 

Barnes. I will — leave it to me. 

Helen. (Going to l. c.) Fd rather not give my 



24 OFFICER 666 

name. I know that sounds odd, but for certain 
reasons 



Gladwin. Oh, of course, if you'd rather not. 
{Starts up c.) 

Helen. {Folloiving him up and stopping him) 
If you will just say I had to come early to tell him 
something — something about to-night. He'll know 
who I am. 

Gladwin. Certainly! Say you want to see him 
about something that's going to happen to-night? 

Helen. Yes, if you'll be so kind. 

Gladwin. {Going tozvard her and attempts to 
speak several times. H'e is close to her, turns 
abruptly and goes up c.) I"ll be right back. {He 
exits c. R.) 

Barnes. It's singular that my friend doesn't 
know what you're referring to. 

Helen. {Coining dozvn l. behind chair) Why, 
do you? 

Barnes. {Trying to pretend that he does, and 
smiling) Well, I have an idea, but he — {Indicating 
where Gladwin went out) is Travers Gladwin's 
most intimate friend. 

Helen. {Going to Barnes down r. c.) Really? 

Barnes. Oh, yes, they are life-long chums — love 
each other like brothers, you know> only better. 
Never have any secrets from each other and all that 
sort of thing. 

Helen. {Quite surprised) That's curious! 
{Crossing toward l., sits) I don't think Travers 
has ever spoken to me about him. 

Barnes. Well, now, that is singular! 

Gladwin. {Re-enters c. Goes to Helen) I'm 
awfully sorry, but I couldn't find him. 

Helen. {Sits) Oh, dear! That's very provok- 
ing ! He didn't say he was going out, did he ? 

Gladwin. {To Barnes) Dd he say he was 
going out ? 



OFFICER 666 25 

Barnes. No, I could have sworn he was here. 

Helen. Well, is his man here? 

Gladwin, (c.) Why, he let you in. 

Helen. I don't mean the Japanese. 

Gladwin. You mean his butler, perhaps? 

Helen. Yes. 

Gladwin. Yes — (To Barnes) Is Gladwin's 
butler here? 

Barnes. No. 

Gladwin. No. 

Helen. Well, where is he? 

Gladwin. (To Barnes) Where is he? 

Barnes. W^here is he ? Oh, he's giving a lecture 
on butling. 

Helen. I'm sure I don't know what to do, I 
simply must get word to him somehow. It's awfully 
important. 

Barnes. I've just been telling the ladies that you 
and Travers are bosom pals. 

Gladwin. (Taking the tip and turning to 
Helen) Oh, yes, we are very close to each other — 
I couldn't tell you how close. 

Barnes. And I have also hinted that you've 
never had any secrets from each other, and that I 
felt quite sure you knew all about — to — to — to-night. 

(Sadie — business.) 

Gladwin. Oh, of course, yes — oh, yes, he's told 
me all about to-night. 

Helen. Has he? (Rises and to l. c.) 

Gladwin. Yes, everything. 

Sadie. (Who from the line, ''Knows all about 
to-night", shows that she is trying to summon up 
courage to speak) Then won't you — oh, please, 
won't you tell her what you think of it? (She says 
this in such a frightened zvay that her voice trembles, 
and she looks as if she were going to cry) 



26 OFFICER 666 

Barnes. (Turning and speaking to Gladwin) 
Oh, yes, go on tell her what you think of it. 

Gladwin. I'd rather not. (Up c.) 

Barnes. But you really ought to, old chap — it's 
your duty. 

Sadie. Oh, yes, please do ! 

Gladwin. (Comes down c.) Well, then, if you 
must know, I think — that is, the way I think of it — 
or I mean, what I had thought of it, when I was 
thinking of it — turning it over in my mind, you 
know — and it didn't seem to me that — that — I'm 
afraid what I'm going, to say may ofifend you ! 
(Looks at Helen) 

Helen. On the contrary — if you are Travers' 
best friend, I should like to know what you think of 
it. 

Barnes. There you are You certainly can't 
object to telling her after that. 

Gladwin. Well, then, to tell the truth, I don't 
like it. 

Helen. Don't like what? 

Gladwin. Why — this thing to-night. 

Helen. You don't know Mr. Hogg. 

Barnes. Oh, that makes it more difficult. 

Gladwin. How do you know I don't know him? 

Helen. Why, how could you? 

Gladwin. How could I know Mr. Hogg? 

Helen. Yes. 

Gladwin. W'hy, just^go out to his pen, introduce 
myself, and shake his tail. 

Helen. Now you're making fun of me. (Ti'irn- 
ing away) I think it's very unkind. 

Gladwin. I didn't intend to be unkind. (With a 
touch of seriousness in his voice that he doesn't in- 
tend) I wouldn't hurt you in any way for the world. 
(Going close to her) Really! 

(She turns and looks at him suddenly and notices 



OFFICER 666 27 

his earnest expression, and looks away slightly 
embarrassed. Takes short pause to shozv this 
business clearly. Helen sits r. of table.) 

Barnes. Well, I don't understand what Mr. 
Hogg has to do with it. 

Helen. {Looking front — blurting it out before 
she thinks) Why, Auntie insists upon my marry- 
ing him. 

(Gladwin and Barnes exchange looks — greatly 
surprised.) 

Barnes. That's dreadful ! 

Gladwin. Do you mean to tell me she insists 
upon you marrying this — hog? 

Helen. Yes. And he's awful, and I hate him, 
and I won't — I just won't ! 

Gladwin. (To Helen) I think you're absolutely 
right. 

Helen. Oh, do you? (Turning to Sadie) 
There ! 

Sadie. But you've only known Mr. Gladwin two 
weeks. 

Helen. I know, but Fve loved him for four 
years. 

(Gladwin and Barnes are astounded.) 

Gladwin. You've loved Travers Gladwin four 
years ? 

Helen. Yes. 

Barnes. (Crossing to l. c.) And only known 
him two weeks? 

Helen. Yes. 

Barnes. You've loved him four years in two 
weeks? (Thinking it over) I can't do it. (Crosses 

R.) 

Helen. Ever since that time he so bravely risked 



28 OFFICER 666 

his own life to save that girl. It was so splendid, 
noble, inspiring ! 

Gladwin. You mean that time at Narragansett ? 

Helen. Yes, four years ago when he dashed into 
the roaring surf 

Gladwin. Yes, and he fished out a cross-eyed 
colored woman. 

Helen. That's just it ! If she had been beautiful, 
or some one dear to him, it wouldn't have been half 
so much. Oh, it was fine of him ! 

Gladwin. And he told you about that, did he? 

Helen. No, he didn't! He's much too modest. 
I knew of it the day it happened, and he has 
been my ideal ever since. But would you believe it, 
when I first spoke to him about it, he could hardly 
remember it. Imagine doing such a brave thing, and 
then forgetting all about it ! 

Gladwin. But it wasn't brave at all. 

Helen. What? 

Gladwin. She was so fat she couldn't sink — so 
I swam out to her 

Helen. You swam? 

Gladwin. Yes, I was with him, you see. I told 
her to lie on her back and float. Well, she did, and 
he pushed her ashore. Simplest thing in the world. 
(Goes upstage a little) 

Helen. (Risuig) It's shameful to try to belittle 
his courage, and you say you're his dearest friend. 
(Going up to him) Oh, I understand now — -you're 
saying that to try to make me change my mind, but I 
shan't — not for anything! (Helen goes dozvn to 
and sits in chair r. of table. Gladwin and Barnes 
look at each other in great astonishment) 

Sadie. Oh, please, please don't say that. I know 
he will agi-efe tb a p6stt)oneitlfent. 

HELfeN. But I don^t W^Ht any pbstpbnement. I 
told you what I intended doing, and I'm going to do 
it. 



OFFICER 666 29 

Gladwin. Go on, tell her again — we'd all like to 
hear it. 

Helen. I'm going to marry Travers Gladwin to- 
night ! 

(Gladwin and Barnes are astounded. Barnes 
goes quickly to Gladwin and shakes his hand, 
congratulating him.) 

Sadie. Oh, dear ! 

(Helen goes to Gladwin. He turns to her.) 

Helen. You are his best friend. Tell me 
honestly, don't you think I'm right in wanting to 
marry him? 

Gladwin. Nothing on earth would please me so 
much as to have you marry Travers Gladwin, and I 
promise now that I'm going to do everything in my 
power to persuade you to do it. 

Helen. Oh, I'm so glad ! (Rises. She stops and 
looks at him again) But why did you talk about his 
bravery as you did? 

Gladv/in. Well, you see 

Helen. I suppose, being so very fond of him, 
you hated the idea of his marrying. 

Gladwin. Yes, but that was before I saw you. 
I hope you are going to like his best friend just a 
little. 

{She looks at him curiously, and then looks away.) 

Helen. I'm sure I shall. (Turning up and look- 
ing at pictures) Oh, this is his wonderful collection 
of paintings. He told me all about them. 

(Gladwin and Barnes look at each other.) 

Gladwin. Oh, has he? 

Helen. Yes — they afe Wbnh a fortune. {G'oihg 
c, then down-stage, looking at pictured) He simply 
adores pictures. 



30 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. Yes, doesn't he, though? 

Helen. We are going to take the most valuable 
away with us to-night. {Dozvn r. corner) 

Gladwin. (Going tozvard her) Oh, you're going 
to take these pictures with you on your honey- 



moon 



Helen. Oh, yes. 

Gladwin. Won't that be nice? 

Helen. We will be gone for ever so long, you 
know. 

Gladwin. Are you going to take his collection of 
miniatures? (Crosses fo Helen) 

Helen. Miniatures? 

Gladwin. Yes, and the china, and the family 
plate — nearly two hundred years old. 

Helen. Why, I don't think he ever mentioned 
them. 

Gladwin. It's most singular how he missed 
them. I don't understand it. (To Barnes) Do 
you? 

Barnes. No! (r. above door) 

Helen. Oh, I would like to see them. 

Gladwin. Do let me show them to you. 

Helen. Would you? 

Gladwin. I'd love to. They are in here. (Goes 
to door R. and holds it open) 

Helen. This will be a treat. Come along, Sadie. 
(She exits R. Gladwin motions Barnes to keep 
Sadie there, and then follows Helen out. Closes 
door. Sadie starts after them) 

Barnes. Just a moment! (Crosses c. Sadie 
stops and looks at him, frightened, and then runs to 
door R.) Ah ! Be careful ! Don't go in there ! 

Sadie. ( Terrified ) Why ? 

Barnes, (l. c.) Because I would be all alone. 
(Sadie is about to open the door) Oh, no, you 
wouldn't desert me — you wouldn't be so cruel! 
How would you like to have some one desert you? 



OFFICER 666 31 

Sadie. (Going toward him a little) I don't 
understand. 

Barnes. Then FU tell you. (Goes toward her) 

Sadie. (Backing azvay) No ! 

Barnes. (Stopping) " Don't be frightened — Fni 
quite harmless, I assure you. Now I can see that 
you are in trouble — is that not so ? 

Sadie. Oh, yes ! 

Barnes. You see, Fm right! I would like to 
help you. 

Sadie. Would you? 

Barnes. Of course I would. 

vSadie. (Going to him c.) Then we must hurry 
if we stop it. 

Barnes. Stop it-^stop what? 

Sadie. Why, the elopement ! 

Barnes. Yes, of course — to be sure — the elope- 
ment. Fd forgotten. Let me look at you. (Sadie 
turns azvay) No, you must let me look at you 

Sadie. Must you ? 

Barnes. That's the only way I can help you. 
You're sure you want me to help you? 

Sadie. Yes, so awfully much ! 

Barnes. Then I must look at you — look at you 
very closely. 

Sadie. I don't understand. 

Barnes. Fil show you — now stand still. (She 
stands zvith her arms at her side, and Barnes looks 
at her closely. Aside) Darn pretty girl ! (Aloud) 
Fve found out the first thing — I read it in your 
eyes. 

Sadie. What? 

Barnes. You don't approve of this elopement. 

Sadie. Oh, no ! 

Barnes. There, I told you so ! You want to 
stop the elopement, but you don't know how to do it. 

Sadie. (Impressed) Yes, that's perfectly true. 

Barnes. Shall I tell you how to stop it ? 



32 OFFICER 666 

Sadie. Yes, please do. 

Barnes. Then sit down. (Sadie, after some 
hesitation, sits in small chair dozvn r. Barnes goes 
toward her, and she hurriedly moves over into the 
arm-chair) Now please take off your glove 

Sadie. My glove? 

Barnes. The left one. (Sadie takes off her 
glove) Before deciding upon what you should do, 
I'd like to know definitely about you — if you don't 
mind. 

Sadie. What do you want me to tell you? 

Barnes. Nothing! What I want to discover 
you may not ever know yourself. Allow me to look 
at your hand, please. {She holds her left hand out 
a little zuay. He takes it. She is frightened, and he 
holds only the tips of her fingers. He is still stand- 
ing) By Jove! This is extraordinary! 

Sadie. What? 

Barnes. Really wonderful ! 

Sadie. W^hat ? 

Barnes. See that line ? 

Sadie. Which ? 

Barnes. That one. 

Sadie. No. 

Barnes. (Sitting and taking her left hand in his 
left and pointing to lines zvith his right) It starts 
there, see? 

Sadie. Yes. 

Barnes. And it runs way around here." 

(Their heads are close together.) 

Sadie. What does that mean? 
Barnes. Oh, a lot. You are very affectionate — 
and extremely shy. 
Sadie. Wonderful ! 
Barnes. Now here's a cunning little line. 



OFFICER 666 33 

Sadie. Do those lines show how to stop the 
elopement ? 

Barnes. They will — if we study them fright- 
fully carefully. Ah ! You and the other girl are — 

Sadie. Cousins — and we live with Auntie — and 
we've been in New York a month. 

Barnes. (Still holding her hand and patting it 
absent-mindedly) And your cousin hasn't known 
Gladwin long? 

Sadie. Only two weeks. 

Barnes. Two weeks — that's right : there's the 
weeks line. And she met him at — at 

Sadie. At a sale of old paintings and art objects. 

Barnes. A sale of pictures. 

Sadie. Yes. She was bidding on a picture and 
he whispered to her that it was no good and not to 
buy it. That's the w^ay they got acquainted. But 
he wouldn't let her tell Auntie anything about him. 

Barnes. Just a moment ! By Jove, here's a bit 
of luck. 

Sadie. What ? 

Barnes. You meet a dark man — handsome — 
stalwart — and he prevents the elopement. 

Sadie. Perhaps that's you. 

Barnes. I'm sure of it! 

Sadie. Oh, I'm so glad ! 

Barnes. Well, now I'll tell you what : do all you 
can to get your cousin to change her mind — then, 
if she won't, tell your aunt, but don't tell her until 
the last minute. 

(Gladwin and Helen enter r.) 

Helen. Oh, Sadie, why didn't you come with 
us? Travers has the most wonderful things! 
(Crossing to l.) 

Gladwin. (To Helen) But why don't you 
answer my question? 



34 OFFICER 666 

Helen. (Taking her zvrap and muff from chair 
R. of table) It's much too silly! 

Gladwin. (To Barnes and Sadie) I've been 
asking her how she'd take to the idea of my being 
Travers Gladwin? 

Helen. (Turns suddenly and looks at him) 
Why did you ask such a question? 

Gladv/in. I — er — was wondering whether you 
were in love with the man or the name. 

Helen. (Angrily) Have I given you the im- 
pression ? 

Gladwin. Yes, you have. I'm afraid you were 
thinking more of. tha;t rescue at Narragansett and 
your desire to be free from poor Mr. Hogg, than 
you were of my dear friend. 

(Helen moves azvay from Gladwin angrily. Goes 
to Barnes.) 

Helen. Shall you be here when Travers returns? 

Barnes. (Glancing at Gladwin) I'm sure to 
see him before I leave. 

Helen. And will you be kind enough to give 
him a message for me? 

Barnes. Delighted ! 

Helen. Thank you so much. I want you to 
tell him that I can't avoid going to the opera to- 
night — that I have simply got to go, but I'll get 
away as soon as I can, and come to him directly 
from there. 

Sadie. (Above sofa) But you can't do that. 

Helen. (Decidedly) But I'm going to do that. 
And now we must go — I'd no idea we stayed so 
long. (Glances at Gladwin and speaks to Barnes) 
Good-bye, and thank you. (She starts up c. to 
door) 

Gladwin. (Quickly follozving her) You didn't 
say good-bye to me. (Helen turns and looks at 



OFFICER 666 35 

him) And I'm glad you didn't, because we're going 
to meet again. 

Helen. (Coldly) I suppose we shall if you 
are here when I return. 

Gladwin. (Surprised) When you return? 

Helen. Yes, when I come back here to-night. 

Barnes. You're not going to meet Travers here ? 

Helen. (Going down r. c.) Oh, yes, I am. 

Gladwin. (Dozvn c.) Oh, yes, she is! 

Helen. He wanted me to meet him at the 
station, but I insisted on coming here. 

Gladwin. Yes, he wanted her to meet him at the 
station, but she insisted on coming here. Let me 
see, what time did Travers say you were to meet 
him here? 

Helen. At half-past ten. 

Gladwin. Oh, yes, here at half-past ten. That's 
right ! 

Helen. But you must tell him I may be late. 

Barnes. I will. 

Gladwin. (Coming down c.) I hope you'll be 
very late. 

Helen. What do you mean? 

Gladwin. I mean you have no idea what a mad 
thing you are doing. 

Helen. (Indignantly) Please 

Gladwin. Don't be angry — I'm saying this for 
your good. 

Helen. I don't care to hear it. 

Gladwin. But you've got to hear it ! To leave 
your aunt and run off with a man you hardly 
know — why, you must be mad even to think of it. 

Helen. How dare you speak to me in this way? 

Gladwin. Well, somebody ought to speak to 
you. Can't you understand this man is no good? 
That he must be a scoundrel to ask you to do such 
a thing? 

Helen. Stop ! I forbid you to say any more — 



36 OFFICER 666 

to say such horrible, cowardly things about him be- 
hind his back. You, who claim to be his dearest 
friend. (She stops suddenly and looks at him in 
wonder, almost forgetting her anger) Why, only a 
few moments ago you said you were glad I was 
going to marry Mr. Gladwin, and would do every- 
thing in your power to help. 

Gladwin. And I meant it ! 

Helen. You meant it? Then how could you? 
Oh! {Backing aivay a little) You've been drink- 
ing! (Barnes turns away, greatly amused. Glad- 
win is surprised) Come, Sadie. (Going up to c. 
door) 

Gladwin. (Following her tip) But just a mo- 
ment — let me explain. (Helen stops and turns to 
him) I said I wanted you to marry Travers Glad- 
win because I am 

Helen. I don't care why you said it, because I 
don't think you know what you're saying. (She 
turns abruptly and exits c.) 

(Gladwin and Barnes staiid staring after her. 
Sadie suddenly bursts into tears and starts 
after Helen.) 

Barnes. (Going tozvard her) Oh, Miss Sadie! 

Sadie. (Turning near c. door and backing away) 
Oh, don't — don't, please ! 

Barnes. (Up r. c.) Won't you allow me to call 
on you ? 

(Sadie is crying hard, her hands covering her face, 
but she nods her head and manages to sav 
through her sobs:) 

Sadie. I shall be delighted! (She turns and 
runs out of the room so unexpectedly, that both men 



OFFICER 666 37 

are left staring after her in surprise. An instant 
after her exit the door slams. A moment's pause) 

Barnes. Well, what do you think of that? 

Gladwin. I haven't begun to think yet. (Going 
do7vn to L. c.) 

Barnes. (Going dozvn r. c.) And you've 
travelled all over the world for a thrill. 

(Bateato enters with dress-suit case.) 

Bateato. Hunting clothes all packed, sair. 

Gladwin. Take it back, I'm not going now. 

Bateato. (Surprised) No go? 

Gladwin. No go — take back — unpack! (Cross- 
ing to l. below table) 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair. (Starts out c.) 

Gladwin. (Going up l. of table) Hold on — 
wait a minute ! Don't unpack it. Leave it in the 
hall. I may want it at a moment's notice. 

Bateato. (Much surprised) 'Ees, sair. (Exits 
c. R.) 

Barnes. What are you going to do now ? 

Gladwin. (Coming dozvn l. c.) I'm going to 
marry that girl. I've been all over the world, seen 
all kinds of 'em, and right here in my own house I 
find the one — the only one. I'm going to expose 
this namesake of mine, whoever he is — I'm going to 
rescue her from him. I'm going to put him away 
where he can never annoy her any more. 

Barnes. How the deuce are you going to do all 
this ? 

Gladwin. {Crossing tozvard l.) I don't know. 

Barnes. Well, I'll tell you — if this fellow is 
going to steal your pictures, it's a case for the police. 

Gladwin. Of course ! (Rushing up to c. door 
and calling) Bateato! 

(Barnes follows him up.) 

Bateato. (Speaking off-stage) 'Ees, sair! 



38 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. Come here, quick ! 
Bateato. {Entering c.) Ladies run away ifl 
automobile. 

(Gladvvin grabs hiin l. and Barnes r., and they 
bring him down c.) 

Gladwin. Never mind that — I want you to find 
a poHceman. 

Bateato. Pohceman? Where I find him? 

Gladwin. Try a saloon. And when you've 
found him, bring him here quick. 

Bateato. They steal something? 

Gladwin. Some one is going to try to steal 
something, but we'll see that they don't. Hurry 
now ! 

Bateato. 'Ees, sair! (He rushes out c. l. and 
door is heard to slam) 

Barnes. That's the way to do it — get the police 
in here and when the other Mr. Gladwin shows up, 
nab him. 

Gladwin. {Suddenly remembering Helen) By 
Jove ! Hold on, though — we can't do this ! 

Barnes. What's the matter? 

Gladwin. Why, it would make a tremendous 
scandal. Fm not going to have my future wife 
mixed up in all this publicity. Think of it — her name 
in the papers — headlines about eloping with a crook. 
No, that will never do — the police must know noth- 
ing about it. 

Barnes. Then what are you going to do ? 

Gladwin. I tell you: Fll wait outside for her 
to come and warn her of her danger. You stay 
in here and be on the lookout for the burglar. 

Barnes. Good-night ! {He starts to c. door) 

Gladwin. {Catching him) No, no, we must see 
this thing through together. You wouldn't want 



OFFICER 666 39 

this sweet young innocent girl connected with a 
sensational robbery, would you? ^ 

Barnes. No, and neither do I want any robbers 
bullets connected with me. 

Gladwin. You're a coward ! 

Barnes. (Going r.) You bet I am ! (Going up 
a little R., then toward c. Gladwin to l. and back) 
Wait a minute now— let's think of a safer plan. 

Gladwin. What plan is there? 

Barnes. Wait a moment— let's concentrate— let s 
think. (They each turn front and assume an at- 
titude as if in deep thought. They hold the picture 
as long as it zvill stand. Barnes looks at Gladwin) 
Thought of anything? 

Gladwin. Not a damn thing! 

(They both take the same position as before.) 

Barnes. (Suddenly) I've got it! 

Gladwin. What? 

Barnes. Simplest thing in the world— why the 
deuce didn't I think of it before? 

Gladwin. Somehow I don't think it's going to 
be any good. 

Barnes. Listen— go straight to the aunt and tell 
her the whole thing. 

Gladwin. By Jove, you're right ! We can make 
a lot of excuses for her, youth and innocence, and 
all that sort of thing. 

Barnes. Sure ! 

Gladwin. Come on, we'll go together. 

(They start upstage.) 

Barnes. Where does she live? 
Gladwin. (Stopping) Where does she live? 
Don't you know? 

Barnes. (Stopping also) No. 



40 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. Do you know what her name is? 

Barnes. No. 

Gladwin. Then how were you going to call on 
that girl ? 

Barnes. (Dozvn r. c.) By Jove, I forgot all 
about getting the address. 

Gladwin." You did ! You had a fine plan ! But 
we must do something the police will know nothing 
about. 

Barnes. (Coining dozvn) Well, let's --think 
again. 

(They look at each other a moment, then go back to 
the positions originally occupied and assume 
the same attitude of thinking. When they have 
held this position a moment, Bateato enters, 
follozved by Phelan. Bateato stands just 
inside the door looking at Barnes and Gladwin 
in surprise. Phelan glances from one to the 
other, zvalks dozvn curiously between them.) 

Phelan. (c. After looking them over — zvonder- 
ingly) What is this — a prayer meeting? 

Barnes. Quiet — we're thinking. 

Gladwin. What do you want here? 

Phelan. (Angrily) What do I want? I come 
to find out what you want. 

Gladwin. I don't want anything, thank you. 
Good night ! 

Barnes. Good night ! 

Phelan. (Very ang'ry) Which one of youse 
sent for me? (Barnes and Gladwin both point to 
each other and say: " He did.") Is one of youse Mr. 
Gladwin ? 

(Barnes and Gladwin point to each other again 
and say: ''He is.") 

Gladwin. No, I am. 

Phelan. (To Gladwin) Why did ye send for 



OFFICER 666 41 

me? {A moment's pause) The little Japanaze came 
running after me and told me two women were rob- 
bing your house. 

Gladwin. {Laughing) He's mistaken. 
■■• Bateato. {Coming dozun quickly — to Gladwin) 
No, sair — ladies run off quick. 

Gladwin. Now wait, that's enough! 

Bateato. You tell me find police 

Gladwin. There — there 

Bateato. You say they steal ! 

Gladwin. Don't talk any more. Don't speak 
again. (Bateato is very much puzzled — holds his 
hand over his mouth) Now, go over to the hotel and 
wait for me. (Bateato doesn't move) VW send 
for you when I want you — go on. (Bateato. show- 
ing he does not like to go, exits c. l. To Barnes) 
When Bateato gets an idea into his head, there is no 
use arguing with him. There is only one thing to 
do — don't let him speak. 

Phelan. Well, what did ye send for me for? 

Gladwin. I thought you might like a drink. 

Phelan. Never touch it. 

Gladwin. {Crossing over to Barnes) Fve got 
a great idea! {To Phelan) Now, officer, I want 
you to do me a little favor. 

Phelan. (l. c.) What is it? 

Gladwin. How would you like to make five 
hundred dollars? 

Phelan. How ? Anyhow ! Say, what are you 
trying to do — ^bribe me? 

Gladwin. Not at all, sergeant. 

Phelan. I ain't no sergeant. 

Gladwin, (c.) All right, lieutenant. 

Phelan. Don't call me lieutenant. 

Gladwin. Well, it's this way, Captain. 

Phelan. Nix on the promotion stuff! Fm a 
patrolman, and me name is Michael Phelan, and Fm 
onto me job — mind that. 



42 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. I'm sure you're onto your job No 
one could look at you and doubt that. I've got your 
number: Officer 666. But I'll give you five hun- 
dred dollars if you'll lend me your uniform for a 
while. 

Phelan. Fi — fi — say, what sort of game are 
youse up to? 

Gladwin. It's a joke. 

Barnes. {Laughing) Yes, it's a joke. 

Phelan. Youse are offering me five hundred 
dollars for a joke? 

Gladwin. That's it — I want to take your place — 
I want to become Officer 666 for a little while. 

Phelan. (Crossing and speaking to Barnes) 
This fellow's off his dip. {Turning to Gladwin) 
Don't ye know if I lend you me uniform it will be 
me finish? 

Gladwin. I'll guarantee to protect you. No one 
will know about it. You'll never make five hundred 
so easy again. 

Phelan. Say, what's all this about? 

Gladwin. Well, I've found out that a thief is 
going to break in here to-night. 

Phelan. A thief? 

Gladwin. Yes, just for a joke, you know 

Phelan. A thief is going to break in here for a 
joke? 

Gladwin, (l.) No, no, no, not a regular thief — 
a friend of mine 

Barnes. Yes, a friend of his. 

Gladwin. And I want to be waiting in your 
uniform and nab him when he comes — then, the joke 
will be on him — do you see? 

Barnes, (r.) You see? 

Phelan. (c.) No, I don't see. 

Gladwin. But you will. Now, to be a policeman 
I've got to have a uniform. Now, lend me yours — 



OFFICER 666 43 

Phelan. What? 

Gladwin. Just long enough so I can catrh my 
friend, and I'll give you five hundred dollars. 

PiiELAN. It's too big a risk — I won't do it. 
(Going up c.) 

Gladwin. (Drawing money from pocket and 
pulling off yellozv-back bill and shozving it to 
Barnes) Say, Barnes, that's a pretty little thing, 
isn't it ? Notice how that five and those two naughts 
are engraved? When I think of what that little 
piece of paper would buy 

Phelan. (Grabbing the bill out of Gladwin's 
hand) Here, give me it! (He puts it into his 
pocket and takes off his belt and begins to unbutton 
his coat) Say, suppose there should happen to be a 
robbery on my beat ? 

Gladwin. That would be wonderful — I'll be a 
credit to you. (Takes off coat) 

Phelan. Or a murder? 

Gladwin. Now, that would be hoping too much. 

Phelan. (Helping Gladwin on zvith his coat) 
You said you only wanted this for a little while, 
Mr. Gladwin. 

Gladwin. That's all. 

Phelan. You won't keep me long, sir? 

Gladwin. No — no! (Taking cap off Phelan's 
head) Now the bonnet. (Putting it on his ozjun 
head) Officer, your sword! (Takes belt and club 
and buckles them on. Crosses to l. belozv the table) 

Barnes. Where are you going? (Follozving l.) 

Gladwin. (Going up around table) On duty! 
(Taking tray zvith decanter of zjuhiskey and glasses, 
etc., and handing them to Phelan) Here, go 
down into the kitchen and enjoy yourself, and trust 
me to look after your work on the outside. 

Phelan. I'd like to know what the devil it all 
means. 



44 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. It means I'm going outside to wait 
for myself— and if I find myself, I'll arrest myself 
— if both myself and I have to go to jail for it — 
now do you understand? 

PiiELAN. No, I'm damned if I do ! 

Gladwin. Damned if I do, either ! (Szvings club 
and exits door c.) 

Curtain 



ACT II 



Scene: Same as Act I. 

At rise Barnes is discovered in easy chair 
sitting just belozv the zvindozv and half facing 
it. His feet are in a small chair and gives the 
impression that he has been on the watch and 
has become weary of his job and has made him- 
self comfortable. He is fast asleep. Door r. 
slowly opens and Phelan, still in his shirt 
sleeves, peeks into the room. After looking 
about he comes into the room. When he gets 
to c. he sees Barnes. 

Phelan. Here! You there! {Goes over to 
Barnes and sees he is asleep. He throws his feet 
off the chair) Here, wake up ! Come, wake up 
here ! 

(Barnes sits up and looks about absently, then sees 
Phelan.) 

Barnes. What's the matter? 

Phelan. What are yez doin' sleeping there ? 

Barnes. What am I doing here? Oh, I'm 



OFFICER 666 45 

keeping watch at the window — on guard, as it 
were. 

Phelan. Yez'd make a good night-watchman! 
Hain't you seen anything of Mr. Gladwin yet i* 

Barnes. How many times do you want me to 
tell you that I would let you know just as soon as he 
returned ? 

Phelan. (Coniplainingly) This is the worst 
muddle I ever got myself into ! A roundsman'll find 
him in that uniform, sure! It'll cost me me job, 
that's what it will ! How late is it now ? 

Barnes. (Looks at his zvatch) Five minutes 
past ten. 

Phelan. Holy Moses! Nearly four hours! If 
I ever get out of this scrape, I pity the fellow that 
offers me money for the lend of me uniform again. 
I'll grab him be the 

(Door-bell rings.) 

Barnes. Hello, the door-bell — go and see who 
it is. 

Phelan. Me go and see? Suppose it's the cap- 
tain or a roundsman? You go and see. 

Barnes. All right! (Rising and placing chair 
against wall) You go and hide in the kitchen like a 
brave officer and I'll let you know when it's safe to 
come out. (Barnes exits c. Phelan goes to the 
zmndow and peeks through the portieres) 

Phelan. How the devil did I ever let myself in 
for this thing — I dunno ! That's what the sight of 
a five hundred dollar bill does to you ! 

Mrs. Burton. (Out in the hall) Helen! Helen, 
where are you? 

Phelan. Holy murther, what's that? 

Mrs. Burton. (Outside) Help! Murder! 
Police! (Phelan starts across tozvards r. Mrs. 
Burton c. followed by Sadie, and sees Phelan) 



46 OFFICER 666 

Here, stop! (Phelan stops and turns. Mrs. 
Burton goes over to him) Where is my niece? 

Phelan. What, ma'am? 

Mrs. Burton. You know where she is — don't 
deny it ! 

Phelan. I don't know what you're talking about. 

Mrs. Burton. Who are you? 

Phelan. {Hesitating) I — I 

Mrs. Burton. Tell me who you are or Pll have 
you arrested — I'll call the police. 

Phelan. Oh, for the love of Heaven, don't call 
the police ! 

(Barnes enters c. and looks in from the portiere.) 

Mrs. Burton. Then tell me what you're doing 
here. 

Phelan. I'll answer no questions. {He suddenly 
runs out door r.) . 

Mrs. Burton. Here ! Come back here ! Helen ! 
Helen! {She exits r. calling off-stage) I want to 
find my niece Helen ! Come to auntie ! 

Barnes. Ah, Miss Sadie 

(Mrs. Burton screams off-stage.) 

Sadie. How do you do? 

Barnes. So that's your auntie — fancy that chap 
refusing to meet her — she seems such a dear. 

(Mrs. Burton enters r'. She sees Barnes and 
screams.) 

Mrs. Burton. Ah, Gladwin! 

Barnes. No ! 

Mrs. Burton. {Running to Barnes and grab- 
bing him) Where is she? What have you done 
with her? 



OFFICER 666 47 

Barnes. I don't know. 

Mrs. Burton. You have her hidden away some- 
where but you must give her up. (Mrs. Burton 
shakes him vigorously. He tries to speak) You're 
a scoundrel — you're a kidnapper — you're a wretch ! 
{She gives him a harder shake and he falls to the 
floor) 

Sadie. But, auntie, this gentleman isn't Mr. 
Gladwin ! 

Mrs. Burton. What? 

Barnes. {Rising, greatly excited) No, he isn't 
— I mean I isn't — I'm not Mr. Gladwin ! 

Mrs. Burton. Then who are you? 

Sadie. Oh, he's someone else ! 

Barnes. Yes, that's it — I'm someone else — I'm 
some one else entirely different — I'm not in the 
least Gladwin. 

Mrs. Burton. What are you doing here? 

Barnes. Ah, that's it! I'm on guard — I'm keep- 
ing watch. 

Mrs. Burton. {Triumphantly) I knew it! 
You have her hidden away! {Rushing up tozvard 
door c.) Helen! Helen! Come to auntie 

Barnes. {Trying desperately to be calm, and 
follozving her. Grabs her by the arm and pulls her 
back. Sadie on the other side of her) Now, now, 
now, my dear lady ! 

Mrs. Burton. {Turning on him) I'm not your 
dear lady ! 

Barnes. My dear auntie ! 

Mrs. Burton. What ! {Moving tozvard him and 
he gets behind chair r. of table) 

Barnes. I beg your pardon — I mean, your niece, 
Miss Helen is not here — I've been watching for 
hours and she's not here — no one's here. 

Mrs. Burton. That shirt sleeve man is here — 
and you're here ! 



48 OFFICER 666 

Sadie. But auntie, he's a friend of Mr. Glad- 
win's. 

Mrs. Burton. Ah, ha! {Going toward him. 
Barnes goes behind the table) So you're his friend 
— you're helping him to steal my niece — but you 
shan't — I'll prevent it — I'll search the house. Come, 
Sadie. {She runs out c. and upstairs calling) 
Helen ! Helen ! It's your auntie come for you ! 

(Sadie starts to folloiv her, but Barnes detains her.) 

Barnes. Wait a moment ! 

Sadie. But I must go with auntie. 

Barnes. Never mind auntie now — I want to tell 
you about your cousin. 

Sadie. Then you've seen her? 

Barnes. No ! 

Sadie. But you know where she is? 

Barnes. No. 

Sadie. Then what can you tell me about her? 

Barnes. Everything! {Goes up to c. door and 
looks about, then returns) Sit down, please. 
(Sadie sits r. of table) Remember, you asked me to 
help you, and I promised to do so ? 

Sadie. Yes. 

Barnes. Do you know why I promised ? 

Sadie. No, why did you? 

Barnes. Because from the moment I saw you I 
became your slave. {Up to door and looks off 
again and returns to Sadie) When I saw how 
distressed you were over there about your cousin 
my heart went out to you — the moment you left I 
decided to act and I've been acting ever since. 

Sadie. What have you done? 

Barnes. I've watched ! 

Sadie. Watched ? 

Barnes. Yes, watched! You don't understand 
that, but it's a very serious matter. When you and 



OFFICER 666 49 

your aunt arrived I was there sleeping — I mean 
watching — and when you've gone, I shall go on 
watching — all for your sake. 

Sadie. How noble of you ! 

Barnes. No, it isn't exactly nobility — it's because 
I care for you so much. 

Sadie. (Rising) No, you mustn't ! 

Barnes. No, I know I ought not to speak to you 
like this, and if you'll sit down I'll not say another 
word about it. (Sadie sits r. of table again) Ex- 
cept to say that I was driven to speak as I did be- 
cause it may be my last chance. After I've pre- 
vented this elopement and saved your cousin, my 
slight services to you will be at an end — we may 
never meet again, but should you ever want me, 
wherever you may be 

Sadie. We'll be home in Omaha. 

Barnes. Omaha? What is that? 

Sadie. The place I live in. 

Barnes. You live in Omaha? 

Sadie. Yes. 

Barnes. No matter — should you ever want me 
I'll come to you, even in Omaha. 

Sadie. (Rising — with tremendous admiration) 
How brave you are ! 

Barnes. I shouldn't exactly 

(Mrs. Burton enters c.) 

Mrs. Burton. I can't find her — I don't believe 
she's in the house. 

Barnes. No, my dear lady, I assure you she's not 
in the house. If you'll only listen a moment 

Mrs. Burton. I won't listen ! 

Sadie. But, auntie, this gentleman has been doing 
everything he can to help us — everything! He's 
been watching. 

Mrs. Burton. Watching? Watching for what? 



50 OFFICER 666 

Barnes. Ah, that's it! What? What haven't 
1 been watching — for hours? 

Mrs. Burton. But what have you been watch- 
ing for? 

Barnes. For hours 

Mrs. Burton. What? 

Barnes. I mean for yours — and Miss Sadie's 
sake, and now if you'll wait here and watch with 
me 

Mrs. Burton. Now I see it all — you want to 
keep us here. Helen and that scoundrel have gone 
and you want to prevent our following them 

Sadie. No, auntie, .he's trying to help us. 

Mrs. Burton. He's lying to you, child. Don't 
you know he's a friend of that wretch Gladwin? 
But they can't hoodwink me. I know what to do 
now — Helen is not of age — I'll swear out a warrant 
— I'll have him arrested for abduction. {Starting 
out) 

Barnes. (Suddenly excited and trying to detain 
her) No, no, you mustn't do that — that'll make 
the whole thing public — that's just w^iat Gladwin is 
trying to avoid. 

Mrs. Burton. (Turning on him) Don't you 
suppose I know that ? 

Barnes. But you don't understand — Gladwin's 
trying to save her, privately. 

Mrs. Burton. What are you talking about? 

Barnes. I don't know — you see, it's this way — 
Gladwin and I only found it out this afternoon — 
quite by accident — and we decided to save her and 
then 

Mrs. Burton. That's enough! You're talking 
all this nonsense to detain us, but I won't stay a 
minute longer. Come, Sadie, we'll go to the police 
station — I'll never rest until I have that man in jail ! 
(She rushes out c, Sadie folloiving her) 

Barnes. (Following her to door) Isn't that just 



OFFICER 666 51 

like a woman — after explaining explicitly she's going 
to have him arrested. (The door slams. Barnes 
grabs his hat and starts out) I must find Gladwin 
.and warn him that the police are on his track. (He 
rushes out c. Door slams) 

(Phelan's head appears in door r. He looks 
around for Barnes. Not seeing him, he coxites 
into the room and looks about, then goes up c. 
and looks up stairzvay.) 

Phelan. Pst ! Pst ! Hey ! Youse there ! 
(Comes back into the room) Who was that woman 
I wonder? They must have took that fellow away 
with them. If they should call the police? Bad 
cess to that fellow and his five hundred dollar bill! 
(Crossing down toward r.) I'd give a thousand 
to have me clothes back. 

(Gladwin enters through the window. He has on 
dark mustache. He speaks with an Irish 
accent.) 

Gladwin. Hey, what are yez doin' there? 

Phelan. (Seeing a policeman) Holy Saint 
Patrick, I'm gone now ! (He starts out of door r.) 

Gladwin. (Coming into the room and calling 
after him) Come back here, you! Officer 666 — I 
want you. (Phelan comes back dejectedly. Glad- 
win laughs) What's the matter with you, Phelan? 
(Speaking naturally. Phelan looks up at him and 
then goes closer to him and looks him over and sees 
it is his own uniform. Sits r. of table) 

Phelan. The Lord be praised, if it ain't yez! 
Where'd yez get that disguise? 

Gladwin. At a hair store. Nearly ran into two 
chaps I know and was afraid of being discovered 
so I bought this mustache — natural as life, eh? 
(Crossing r.) 



52 OFFICER 666 

Phelan. For the love of Hivin, where have ye 
been all this time ? 

Gladwin. Patrolling my beat — I mean your beat, 
and take it from me, it's a rotten beat. Pve been 
watching for my friend, the burglar, watched for 
him for three hours but not a sign of him. Then 
I got hungry and sent a boy to the Plaza for some 
supper — (Sitting dozvn r. and lighting a cigarette) 
Ate it on a back doorstep, and then I saw a friend 
of mine coming along in an automobile and I 
arrested him for speeding. 

Phelan. {Jumping, up) What! 

Gladwin. Yes, nabbed him for breaking the 
speed limit. 

Phelan. And was he? 

Gladwin. Of course ! He was going so slow he 
deserved to be arrested. I got in and told hitn to 
drive me to the station. 

Phelan. Did ye take him to the station? 

Gladwin. I didn't know where it was — neither 
did he — so we drove around looking for it — we 
couldn't find it — then he offered me ten dollars — I 
took it and let him go. (Crossing to l.) I think 
that in a couple of hours I could get back my five 
hundred. 

Phelan. You've lost me me job, that's what 
ye've done! (Going toivard him) Here, give me 
me clothes. 

Gladwin. What ? 

Phelan. Me uniform, and let me get out of here. 

(Gladwin circles around the table, Phelan after 
him.) 

Gladwin. Not much! Pve gone to all this 
trouble to be wearing it out when my friend comes — 
Phelan. Your friend? 
Gladwin. Yes, the one Pm playing the joke on. 



OFFICER 666 53 

You don't suppose I'm going to take it off now, do 
you ? 

Phelan. (At last catching him) Ye can bet 
yer life yez are ! I've had enough of this ! 

Gladwin. (Holding him off) Now hold on a 
minute. Everything's all right, and I'm not going 
to leave the house again. If anything happens so 
you need your uniform I'll be right here where you 
can get it. Where's Mr. Barnes? 

Phelan. Who ? 

Gladwin. The one I left here. 

Phelan. I dunno — there was a ring at the bell 
a while ago 

Gladwin. Great Scott ! I hope my friend the 
burglar has not been scared off! (Looks at watch) 
If he was to meet her here at half -past ten, he'll have 
to — (Going out c. door and returning immediately 
zvith some coverings) Here, help me spread these 
coverings over the furniture — if my friend's ever 
been here before and he finds these things uncovered 
it might make him suspicious not to see them. 

Phelan. (Covering furniture. Gladwin also 
covers up furniture during these lines) Don't you 
know whether your friend has been here before or 
not? 

Gladwin. Certainly not! I can't keep track of 
what my friends are doing when I'm away off in 
Egypt, can I? Now that arm-chair — (Sounds of 
auto stopping is heard off-stage. Gladwin goes to 
window and peeks through the curtains) There's 
a motor-car stopping across the street now. 

Phelan. While you was gone there was 

Gladwin. Sh ! This may be the fellow now. 
(Quickly goes up and closes the c. doors, then down 
c. to Phelan) You go down into the kitchen now 
and be ready to run up here and help me if I want 
you. 



54 OFFICER 666 

Phelan. But you'll promise you won't leave the 
house in them clothes ? 

Gladwin. Yes, yes ! Quick, now, I'm going 
out on the balcony. (Turns large stand lamp on 
table R. out and goes quickly to c. doors and listens. 
Phelan exits r., outer door is heard to slain. Glad- 
win reaches for the light switch) Here's where I 
meet myself. (Turns out the lights) Now for a 
real thr'ill ! 

(The stage is completely dark. Gladwin goes out 
of the windozv onto fhe balcony. The c. doors 
are opened and Watkins and Wilson enter 
in the dark. The light of Wilson's cigar can 
he seen while he is standing c. Watkins goes 
immediately r. to large lamp. Wilson opens 
slide in his cane, in zvhich there is a little battery 
light, and flashes it about the room. Watkins 
turns on large lamp r. and the stage lights go 
half up. They hold the picture a moment, then 
Wilson goes to window and closes the 
portieres tightly, then back to l. c.) 

Wilson. Watkins, is this room just as you left it 
when you went away, with Mr. Gladwin ? 

Watkins. I don't know, sir. Bateato, the Jap, 
clouse the house. 

Wilson. H'm! (Looking about and taking 
diagram on paper out of his pocket and pointing to 
it) We're in this room now. 

Watkins. (Looking at it) Yes, sir. 

Wilson. Out there is the kitchen. (Pointing to 
paper) 

Watkins. Yes, sir. 

Wilson. And there's no other way out except 
through the front door? 

Watkins. No, sir. 



OFFICER 666 55 

Wilson. (Pointing to paper again) And on the 
floor above are Gladwin's apartments? 

Watkins. Yes, sir. (Pointing to paper) At 
the head of the stairs — first door to the left. 

Wilson. H'm! Very good! (Watkins goes 
out into the hall and looks about. Wilson looking at 
picture oz'cr mantel) That's a Stewart ! Is that the 
great-grandfather ? 

Watkins. Yes, sir. 

W^iLSON. H'm! (Looks about, sees chest up r., 
takes hold of it and starts p-iilling it down-stage) 
Here, help me to get this out of the way ! (Watkins 
takes hold of other end of chest and they pull it 
down R. c. Wilson opens the lid and looks inside, 
then closes the lid again) Now, I can manage alone 
in here, but I want to be ready to leave by the time 
Miss Burton arrives. You go outside and wait in 
the car — and keep a sharp lookout. 

Watkins. Yes, sir. (He exits c. Wilson looks 
about again. Sees Blue Boy and chuckles) 

Wilson. Blue Boy, Ha! Ha! (He then goes 
to R. and sees the Rembrandt. He takes his hat off 
and says almost reverently) Rembrandt! Rem- 
brandt? God, if I could paint like that! He then 
takes off his overcoat and takes out some wrapping 
paper and lays it on the chest. Throws his coat 
over the chair up r. Hangs his cane on mantel 
and puts his hat on mantel. He then takes out his 
knife and starts up to Rembrandt. Gladwin ap- 
pears in zvindozv betzveen the portieres zvhile he is 
doing this and stands zvatching him. As Wilson is 
about to cut the picture out of the frame he turns and 
sees Gladwin. They hold the picture, eying one 
another. After a pause, Wilson speaks in the 
easiest self-contained zvay and smiles slightly) 
Good evening. Officer. 

Gladwin. (Anszvering in slight Irish accent) 
Evenin' ! 



56 OFFICER 666 

Wilson. Do you find something on the balcony 
that interests you? You climbed up there to enjoy 
the moonlight, perhaps ? 

Gladwin. No, not the moonlight — that light. 
(Indicating stand lamp R.) I seen it go up — this 
house has been closed for months ! 

Wilson. Oh, yes, to be sure! You're most 
alert — right on the job, as they say. I congratulate 
you! 

Gladwin. Fve been watching this house ever 
since Mr. Gladwin went away. 

(Wilson slozvly turns his head front and takes a 
deliherate puff at his cigar, thinking. He then 
looks slozvly back at Gladwin.) 

Wilson. H'm! That's very good of you. (He 
thinks again for a moment, then puts his hand in his 
pocket, takes out roll of bills, and peels off one) 
Let me offer you this as a slight token of my ap- 
preciation. (Gladwin slowly goes to him. Wilson 
stands easily, offering the bill, pretending to take no 
particular notice of Gladwin but observing him 
slightly and keenly out of the corner of his eye) 

Gladwin. (Taking money and piitting it in his 
pocket) Thank ye, sorr! And might I ask who ye 
are? 

Wilson. (Chuckles good-naturedly) H'm! 
That's good ! Who do you suppose would come to 
the front door — unlock it — walk in and turn up the 
lights — a thief ? 

Gladwin. They do sometimes. 

Wilson. (Showing a little surprise) Do they 
really? You surprise me! I've always supposed 
they broke in somehow and used dark-lanterns. 

Gladwin. Not always ! 

Wilson. Well, I'm sorry, Officer, but I must 
deprive you of the pleasure you would evidently 



OFFICER 666 $7 

derive in catching a thief and making an arrest. 
But who do you imagine I am? (Wilson says this, 
trying to discoz'er zuhether tJie policeman knows the 
real Gladwin by sight or not. Gladwin realises 
why he puts the question that way) 

Gladwin. Well, if I wasn't sure he was abroad 
I'd imagine that yez were Mr. Gladwin himself. 

Wilson. {Shows relief and satisfaction at this 
reply. Going dozvn r.) Well, Officer, I'll tell you 
something to help you make a good shrewd guess — 
Mr. Gladwin is not abroad. 

Gladwin. Thin yez are Mr. Gladwin! 

(Wilson gets up r. easily and leans on hack of 
chair. ) 

Wilson. You found me out, Officer: I must 
admit it. Permit me to thank you again for look- 
ing out for my house, and if you don't mind I'll 
double this little reward. {He pulls out roll of bills 
again and peels off another one and offers it to 
Gi,adwin) 

Gladwin. {Taking it and putting it into his 
pocket) Thank ye, sorr! (Wilson walks away 
humming a tune, hands in his pocket, smoking cigar 
and looking over the pictures. Gladwin stands 
waiting. Wilson occasionally glances at Gladwin) 
By Jove, it seems good to be back home again ! 

Wilson. You're not in a hurry to get back to 
your beat, Officer? 

Gladwin. No, sir, I ain't in no hurry. 

W^iLSON. {Looks at him again and after a mo- 
ment) Here, have a cigar. {Offers him a cigar) 

Gladwin. {Taking it and putting it into his 
cap) Thank ye, sorr! 

(Wilson zvalks down r.) 

Wilson. {Aside) When the police are about 



58 OFFICER 666 

it's best to keep them where you can watch them. 
(Goes up R. — then turns to Gladwin) Oh, Officer, 
could you be spared off your rounds for, say an 
hour? 

Gladwin. Why, yes, sorr, I think so. 

Wilson. Well, I want you to do me a favor. 
I'll pay you well for it. 

Gladwin. W^hat is it? 

Wilson. You look to me like a fellow who could 
keep a secret. 

Gladwin. (Turning to Wilson) Every police- 
man in this town has to kape saycrets. 

Wilson. Well, I'rp expecting a call from a lady. 

Gladwin. Oh, I see, sorr. 

Wilson. No, you don't. This lady is my 
fiancee. 

Gladwin. Well, that's your business, sorr. 

Wilson. You don't understand — I'm about to 
be married. 

Gladwin. Oh, you're going to be married? 

Wilson. Yes, I'm going to be married to-night, 
secretly. 

Gladwin. Is that so? Well, I can't help you 
about that, can I ? 

Wilson. Oh, yes, you can — because I want to 
keep it quiet on the lady's account. 

Gladwin. W^ell, I'll help you keep it quiet on the 
lady's account. 

Wilson. Good! (Taking out roll of bills and 
handing him some money) 

Gladwin. Thank you, sorr. But what can I do, 
sorr? 

Wilson. I'll show you later on — but in the mean- 
time, help me take the covers off the furniture and 
make the place look habitable. Hurry up now, be- 
cause I haven't got much time. (Pointing up r. of 
door) Turn on that switch and we'll have some 
more light — then the hall. (Gladwin turns on 



OFFICER 666 59 

SK'ifch and goes out and turns on light in the hall) 
And then, straighten up my room. 

Gladwin. Where is your room, sorr? 

Wilson. Just at the head of the stairs — first door 
to the left. 

GiADwiN. {Greatly surprised) Yes, sorr! 

Wilson. Then come back here and help me 
pack. 

Gladwin. Yes, sorr. {He exits c. and up the 
stairs. Wilson closes the c. doors. He then goes 
over to Rembrandt picture and quickly cuts it out 
of the frame and takes it to chest aiid places a piece 
of paper over the face of it. He then continues 
cutting out pictures, or taking them down with 
frames. He takes the Meissonnier down last and 
speaks the name as he takes it dozvn) 

Wilson. Ah, Meissonnier! (Gladwin enters c. 
and looks about and nearly falls over hackzvard zvith 
surprise) Oh, Officer! 

Gladwin. Ye've been busy, sorr! 

Wilson. (His back to Gladwin, going on with 
his work) Yes, come, help me. Come on, hurry 
now. (Gladwin comes dozvn to him) Get up on 
that chair and hand that picture down to me — frame 
and all. {Pointing dozvn r. Gladwin goes over 
and attempts to take small one) No, not that one — 
the one above. (Gladwin takes hold of picture 
above) That's it. 

(Gladwin takes picture down, frame and all, and 
takes it to Wilson.) 

Gladwin. I take it these pictures is worth a lot 
of money, sorr. 

Wilson. You're right, I take it. 

Gladwin. {Handing him the picture) Yes, 
sorr, I mane, you take it. 



6o OFFICER 666 

Wilson. (Pointing up l.) Now that one — come 
on now, hurry up. (Gladwin goes up l. and at- 
tempts to take down a small picture) No, not that 
one — the large one. (Gladwin attempts to take 
down the '' Blue Boy '') No, no, not that one. 

Gladwin. Why, what's the matter with this one, 



sorr 



Wilson. It's a fake. 

Gladwin. What? 

Wilson. Yes, I paid two old frauds five hun- 
dred pounds for that in London a couple of years 
ago — it isn't worth anything. (Gladwin falls over 
on couch in surprise) The oval one. (Indicating 
the Rubens) 

Gladwin. (Taking dozvn the Rubens) I don't 
think much of this one, sorr. 

Wilson. Why, that's a Rubens — it's worth 
$80,000 at least. 

Gladwin. (Bringing the picture to him) She 
ought to have a million with a face like that. ( Gives 
picture to Wilson. Gladwin points to picture 
of his great grandfather over the mantel) Who is 
that old fellow over there, sorr? 

Wilson. (Glancing up an instant, then going on 
with his zvork) I don't like to have you refer to 
him as old fellow — that's my great grandfather, 
painted by Gilbert Stewart over a century ago. 
(Gladwin almost collapses with surprise. Wilson 
looks up at picture) I loved my great grandfather. 
Officer, loved him very dearly! (He sighs and goes 
on zvith his zvork. Gladwin stares at him be- 
wildered) 

Gladwin. Are yez goin' to take all these pictures 
away with you to-night? 

Wilson. No, only the best ones. 

Gladwin. If yez wanted the others I could pack 
'em up after ye've gone and sind thim to ye. 

Wilson. Perhaps I'll have you do that. 



OFFICER 666 6i 

(Door-bell rings. Both men start slightly.) 

Gladwin. If that's the lady, sorr, I'll go and let 
her in. (Starting tip c.) 

Wilson. No, here wait! (Gladwin turns and 
looks at him. Wilson goes up to him] She might 
be frightened at the sight of a policeman. You stay 
here — I'll let her in myself. (He eits c. Gladwin 
looks after him, then goes to window and looks out. 
He then goes to chest and picks up the pictures and 
runs up L. trying to find a place to hide them — he 
then goes to door r. and is about to exit zvhen 
Wilson is heard speaking in the hall, and he quickly 
puts them back on the chest again. Wilson enters 
c. zvith Helen. She is dressed in evening gown with 
a cloak thrown over it. Wilson is carrying her suit- 
case) 

(Helen sees Gladwin in the policeman's uniform 
and is startled and shrinks back a little.) 

Helen. Oh ! 

Wilson. Don't be alarmed, dear — this is officer — 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr ! 

W^iLSON. Yes, Murphy. Officer Murphy looks 
after my house when I'm away. He's going to see 
that everything is made safe and secure after we've 
gone. 

Helen. Oh! 

Wilson. (Handing suit-case to Gladwin, speak- 
ing to Helen) But why did you bring the bag, 
dear? My man told me he got your trunk this 
morning. 

Helen. Yes, but I found out I must go to the 
opera and so I had to pack my travelling dress. I 
went home first to change it but I was so frightened 
and trembled so I couldn't. 

Wilson. (Putting his arm around her) There, 



62 OFFICER 666 

there, dear ! Calm yourself. Why, you're trembling 
like a leaf. There is nothing to be frightened 
about now. (He kisses her. Gladwin drops the 
tongs which falls to the floor zvith a crash) What's 
the matter. Officer? 

Gladwin. Excuse me, sorr ! {He takes the bag 
lip L. door, and then comes dozvn behind Wilson 
and Helen) 

Wilson. Sit down, dear. (Helen sits r. of 
table) I'm just packing up some pictures. I shan't 
keep you waiting long. (Taking her hand and 
patting it) You're all right now, aren't you? 

Helen. (Bracing up and giving little nervous 
laugh) Oh, yes, Travers, dear. I shan't break 
down — I've just made up my mind not to. (She 
presses her hands together tightly and tries to smile 
at him) Only my heart's beating terribly — feel 
it. 

(Wilson is about to put his hand over her heart 
zvhen Gladwin suddenly coughs. Helen 
jumps.) 

Wilson. (Looking at Gladwin, annoyed) 
What's the matter with you, McCarthy ? 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr. 

Wilson. What's the matter with you? 

Gladwin. Me troat tickled me. 

Wilson. Well, get something to pack these paint- 
ings in. (Gladwin looks about the room in- 
dustriously) There isn't anything in here — go up- 
stairs and get a trunk. 

Gladwin. I don't know where there is none, 
sorr. 

Wilson. Well, look around for one — a small 
empty trunk. (He turns his back to Gladwin and 
goes to Helen. Gladwin goes to c. door and 
stops. Wilson looks up at him) 



OFFICER 666 63 

Gladwin. Yes, sir. I was thinkin', sorr, sup- 
pose the trunk is full? 

Wilson. {Speaking quietly) Just a moment, 
Helen, please. (He leaves her and goes up to Glad- 
win, and does not speak until he stops walking) If 
the trunks are full — now listen carefully, because I 
want you to understand this ; if the trunks are full, 
then empty one. Do you get my meaning? Take 
the fullness out of it, and after you've done that and 
there is nothing more left in it, then bring it down 
here. Do you think you get my idea clearly? 

Gladwin. Yes, sorr ! 

Wilson. Then go. (Gladwin exits c. and 
Wilson closes the door, and goes back to Helen) 
You see, dear, I'm taking your advice — packing 
only the most valuable ones. 

Helen. (Rising) I'm afraid, Travers, I'm giv- 
ing you a lot of trouble. 

Wilson. Trouble ? You're bringing a great joy 
into my life (Taking her hand and looking search- 
ingly into her face) But are you going to be happy ? 
That's what you must think of, now, before it is too 
late. 

Helen. We mustn't stop to talk about that now ; 
there isn't time. We must hurry and get away 
before auntie finds it out and comes after me. 

Wilson. Do you think she'll come here? 

Helen. I'm afraid Sadie will tell her. 

Wilson. Your cousin? H-m. 

Helen. Perhaps you'd rather postpone it after 
all, Travers? If you only thought best I'd like to 
tell auntie what I'm going to do. 

Wilson. (Positively) No, you know we can't 
do that — we've gone all over this before : it must 
be this way or not at all. Which is it to be? 

Helen. (Looks at him and her voice trembles a 
little zvhen she speaks) I've given' you my word, 
vou know. 



64 OFFICER 666 

take her in his arms zvhen a trunk tiinihlcs down- 
take her in his arms zvhen a trunk tumbles down 
stairs zvith a great crash. Wilson goes up to door 
c. and opens it, shozving steamer trunk and Gladwin 
lying in a heap on the floor at the foot of the stairs. 
He calls off to Gladwin) Officer, what the devil's 
the matter with you? (He uses mean, harsh tone. 
Helen shivers slightly as she hears it and uncon- 
sciously backs azvay from him) 

Gladwin. (Rises and puts the trunk on his 
shoulder and enters limping) I brought it down all 
right, didn't I? Where'll I put it, sorr? 

Wilson. (Pointing tp r. below chest) Put it 
there. (To Helen) Do you see any others that 
you'd h*ke me to take, my dear? 

Helen. Oh, you know best. Are you going to 
take any of the miniatures? 

Wilson. The miniatures? 

Helen. Yes. They're the loveHest Fve ever seen 
and they'll hardly take up any room at all. 

Wilson. (Pauses a moment thinking, and in the 
meantime pretends to be looking over the pictures) 
I didn't know you'd seen any miniatures? 

Helen. Oh, yes, when I was here this afternoon. 

Wilson. (Still very quietly and easily) I didn't 
know you were here this afternoon. 

Helen. You didn't? How funny! You'd just 
gone out when I called, but two of your friends were 
here and one of them showed me the miniatures, and 
china, and plate, and lots, of things. (Wilson re- 
inains motionless a moment, then very slozvly and 
easily turns his head and glances at Gladwin) 
Wh)^, I left a message for you about the opera — 
didn't they tell you? 

Wilson. Yes, yes, I remember now, they told 
me. McNulty ! 

(Gladwin turns and back to picture.) 



OFFICER 666 65 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr. 

Wilson. Kindly go up to my room and see if you 
can find a bag and pack enough things to last a 
week or two. 

Gladwin. Shall I pack your hunting clothes, 
sorr? 

Wilson. Pack what you think best. 

Gladwin. Yes, sorr. {He exits c. starts up the 
stairs and zvhen Wilson turns his hack, goes quickh 

off L.) 

Wilson. (Darts to Helen and plays the scene 
zvith her as rapidly as possible) What time did you 
see my friends here? 

Helen. (Startled) A little after five. 

Wilson. Did you tell them about the elopement ? 

Helen. Why, they knew all about it. 

Wilson. Knew about it? 

Helen. Yes. 

Wilson. What did you tell them? 

Helen. I told them I was to meet you here at 
half-past ten. 

Wilson. That we were to meet here? 

Helen. Oh, was it something I shouldn't have 
told them? 

(Gladwin enters c. zvith the suit-case Bateato 
packed in Act I.) 

Wilson. (Turning to him. Gladwin is dozjun 
c.) What's that? 

Gladwin. (Looking at the hag) It's a dress- 
suit case, sorr. 

Wilson. (Angrily) I told you to pack it. 

Gladwin. It's all packed, sorr. Hunting clothes, 
shirts, ties, socks 

Wilson. (Looking at him keenly) U'm! You 
work fast, McGinnis. 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr. 



66 OFFICER 666 

Wilson. Now take it up to my room and impack 
it. 

Gladwin. What, sorr? 

Wilson. I shan't want these things after all. 
Unpack it carefully and bring it back here. (Glad- 
win stands undecided, Wilson looking him square 
in the face) Well, what are you waiting for, 
McDugan ? 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr. {He exits c. and up 
the stairs. Wilson closes the c. doors, rips dozvn 
the portieres, throzvs one l. of door and spreads 
the other one on the chest down r.) 

Wilson. Now, listen, Helen. It may be that 
we'll have to get away' from here in a hurry. 

Helen. What's the matter? 

Wilson. Your aunt may find it out and try to 
stop us. Now, I shall be on the lookout, but I want 
you to do anything I tell you. I'll see if the coast 
is clear in case we have to go out the back way. 
In the meantime, I want you to wrap these pictures 
in this. I wouldn't ask you, dear, but we haven't 
a minute to waste. (He exits r. Helen goes to 
chest and starts putting pictures into portieres. 
Bateato enters c. He has overcoat, hat and gloves 
on. He sees zvhere the pictures have been taken 
off the wall and turns around looking at the empty 
frames, etc. He sees Helen and comes dozvn to 
her and sees pictures. He puts his hand to his head 
and stares in surprise) 

Bateato. Oh, hell — ;damn! 

Helen. {Gives start backward) How you 
startled me! 

Bateato. {Goes up to c. door and turns) You 
no fool me — I know you teef — you no steal pictures 
— I get police — I get whole big lot police, quick. 
{He rushes off) 

Helen. {Following him up) See here! Wait 
a minute ! You don't understand — you mustn't call 



OFFICER 666 67 

the police. {The door slams. She turns and runs 
toward door r. calling as she turns) Travers ! 
(She has nearly reached the door when Gladwin 
rushes in. He speaks to her in an excited whisper) 

Gladwin. Miss Helen, just a moment. I've 
been waiting for a chance to see you alone. (Goes 
to door R. and listens, and turns to her again) You 
must get away from here at once — do you under- 
stand — at once ! 

PIelen. What do you mean? 

Gladwin. Don't waste time talking — go quick 
while you have a chance. 

Helen. (Much frightened) Who are you? 

Gladwin. Listen — you must believe what I say: 
this man who you came to meet is not Travers 
Gladwin at all. 

Helen. What? 

Gladwin. It's true — he's an imposter! It was 
Travers Gladwin you met here this afternoon and 
that was I — I am Travers Gladwin — only I've got 
this uniform on. Now, I can't have him arrested 
because you'd be mixed up in a nasty scandal, but I 
can't wait much longer — so please go. 

Helen. I don't believe what you're saying — I 
can't believe it — it's too horrible ! 

Gladwin. (Who has been listening at the door) 
Sh ! He's coming — ask him questions until you're 
convinced. I'll be waiting to see you get out in 
safety — trust me ! (He exits c. Wilson enters 
hurriedly r., looks at pictures on the chest, finishes 
wrapping them up, and puts them into trunk and 
closes the lid) 

Wilson. Well, you haven't got on very fast, 
dear? 

Helen. (Leaning on chair l. c. almost fainting 
and trying desperately to speak naturally) No, I — 
I didn't quite understand how to pack. 

Wilson. (Going to her) Why, Helen, what's 



68 OFFICER 666 

the matter? {He takes her hands) Your hands are 
as cold as ice. 

Helen. It's nothing — only I'm faint. 

Wilson, That policeman has been talking to 
you — hasn't he? 

Helen. {Breathlessly, zvith a catch in her throat) 
Yes, he has. 

Wilson. Did he tell you who he is? 

Helen. Yes ! {He suddenly takes her by the 
shoulders and turns her squarely toward him, look- 
ing dozvn into her face) 

Wilson. Now, Helen, I want you to tell the 
truth — the truth, you understand? I shall know it 
if you don't. Who did he say he was? 

Helen. {Looks at him and then speaks) He 
said he was Travers Gladwin ! 

(Wilson is startled a moment in spite of him- 
self and draws back a little.) 

Wilson. Travers Gladwin ! {Suddenly remem- 
bering himself and laughing) Oh, he did, eh? 

Helen. Now, I want you to tell me the truth ! 
Who are you? 

Wilson. A man who loves you. 

Helen. But are you the man you pretend to 
be — are you Travers Gladwin? 

Wilson. And if I were not — if instead of being 
the son of a millionaire who'd never earned a dollar 
in his life — suppose I were a man who'd had to 
fight every inch of the way 

Helen. I want the truth — are you Travers 
Gladwin ? 

Wilson. I shall prove to you very soon that I — 
{He stops and listens, and then goes noiselessly to c. 
doors; opens them suddenly. Gladwin is standing 
just behind the doors listening, and as doors open he 
pretends to be looking for something on the floor) 
Come in. 



OFFICER 666 69 

Gladwin. Yes, sorr ! {He comes into the room) 

Wilson. Where's that bag? 

Gladwin. What bag, sorr? 

Wilson. The one you brought in here. 

Gladwin. Ye told me to unpack it, sorr. 

Wilson. Yes, but I want the bag — where is it? 

Gladwin. Upstairs, sorr. 

Wilson. Go and get it. (Gladwin hesitates) 
Go on, now — don't waste time. 

Gladwin. {Turning and rushing upstairs) 
You bet I won't! 

Wilson. {Gets Helen's cloak and hands it to 
her) Now go quickly — my car is just across the 
street. 

Helen. {Taking cloak and hacking away) No, 
I shan't go. 

Wilson. So you believe this man? 

Helen, I'm afraid I do. 

Wilson. Then I'll show you mighty quick that 
you're wrong. He's probably some spy sent here 
by your aunt. I'll get my man in here and he will 
have him arrested after you and I have gone. Wait 
here — I shan't be a moment. {He exits c. Helen 
runs to zvindow and then back toward door r. in 
great fear. Door slams. Gladwin enters c. and 
runs to window' and looks out) 

Gladwin. He's running away — but without the 
pictures or his hat and coat. What's his game, I 
wonder ? 

Helen. He's coming back — he says my aunt 
sent you here. 

Gladwin. Never mind what he says — you must 
go home. To-morrow you can learn the truth. 

Helen. If I try to get out, he'll see me. 

Gladwin. Well, listen — {He goes up to c. door 
and points off R.) Do you see that little alcove 
under the stairs? 

Helen. {Going up and looking) Yes. 



70 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. Hide in there behind the portieres — 
if he and his man come back, I'll get them in this 
room — then I'll press this button, see? (Sho7vs her 
push button r. of c. door) 

Helen. Yes. 

Gladwin. That rings a bell — you can hear it 
from there. When I ring that bell you must go — 
get out the front door and get away. 

Helen. But if what you tell me about him is 
true, he may fight with you. 

Gladwin. Don't mind me — you mustn't be 
mixed up in this affair. 

Helen. But you mustn't put yourself into danger 
for me. 

Gladwin. I'll put myself anywhere for you. 

Helen. How can I ever thank you? 

Gladwin. I'll tell you later on. (She runs out 
and hides in alcove under stairs. Gladwin goes 
down to door r. and calls off) Phelan ! Phelan! 
(He comes back again and starts taking off the 
uniform) 

Phelan. (Entering r.) For the love of Hivin, 
give me me uniform. 

Gladwin. Here's your uniform. 

Phelan. Now let me get back to Headquarters. 

Gladwin. (Taking hold of him and pushing him 
over tozuard zvindow) No, you go outside that 
window and be ready when I want you — and I'll 
give you something worth going back to Head- 
quarters for. (He backs him out of window) 

Phelan. (As he disappears through portieres) 
This must be a hell of a joke ! 

(Wilson enters c.) 

Wilson. (Seeing that Gladwin has taken off 
the uniform) Oh, so you've resigned from the 
force ! 

Gladwin. Yes. Now this joke's gone far 



OFFICER 666 71 

enough — I'll give you one chance. Get away from 
here as quick as you can. 

Wilson. (Glancing sharply around) Where's 
the young lady ? 

Gladwin. Never mind the lady — that's the only 
reason I've let you go as far as this — now get out 
and keep away from that lady, and drop my name. 

Wilson. Easy, easy, now. I don't like to have 
little boys lose their tempers. Watkins ! 

(Wat KINS enters c.) 

Watkins. Here, sir! 

Gladwin. Oh, noiv I understand how you knew 
all about my house. This is what I get for not 
sending you to jail when I caught you stealing from 



me 



Wilson. Don't bother with him — there's no time. 
Take out that trunk while I find the lady. (Wat- 
kins picks up the trunk. Wilson starts out c.) 

Gladwin. {Blocking his zvay) You both stay 
where you are ! 

Wilson. Come, we can't waste time with you — 
get out of the way. (Grabs Gladwin and ihrozvs 
him azvay front the door) 

Gladwin. (Galling) Phelan ! Here, quick! 

Pi-iELAN. (Running on from window) Yes, sir 
— yes, sir, I'm here ! 

Wilson. (Suddenly letting go of Gladwin and 
pointing to Watkins) Officer, stop that man. 
He's trying to get out of here with a trunk full of 
pictures. 

Phelan. Here, here, wait a bit — put down that 
trunk. (Watkins does so and Phelan crosses to 
Gladwin) What is all this about? 

(Wilson signals Watkins to run, and Watkins 
suddenly dashes through the window.) 



72 OFFICER 666 

Wilson. {To Phelan) Quick — go after that 
man — he's a thief I 

(Phelan rushes to the zvindozv.) 

Gladwin. Stop, Phelan ! They're both thieves. 

Phelan. (Stops at the windozv) What? 

Gladwin. Yes, it's a trick to get you away. 

Phelan. Say, what kind of a joke is this? 

Wilson. You'll find it's no joke, officer. 

Gladwin. You'll find it isn't so funny your- 
self — arrest that man, Phelan. 

Phelan. (Surprised) De ye mean it? 

Gladwin. Of course I mean it. (Wilson starts 
tozvard the zvindozv) Look out for him! 

Phelan. (Rushing to Wilson and grabbing 
him) Hold on! Stay where you are. 

(Wilson sees Phelan has on the same iiniforni 
Gladwin zvore.) 

Wilson. Now be careful, Officer, or you'll get 
yourself into a lot of trouble ! 

Phelan. Pll stick close to you, mind that. 

Wilson. (Impressively) How do you think it's 
going to look at headquarters if I prove you've tried 
to help a band of thieves rob this house? 

(Gladwin presses push-button and stands zuatching 
for Helen.) 

Phelan. A band of thieves? 

Wilson. That's what I said — why, (Indicating 
Gladwin — Helen is crossing tozvard l. through 
hall) he's got his pals hidden all over the place. 

Gladwin. He's lying to you, Phelan, we're the 
only ones here ! 

Wilson. Then they've all escaped ! You let one 
go through that window and there were two others 



OFFICER 666 73 

besides this one. (Outside door is heard to slam. 
Gladwin, who has been listening for it, shows great 
relief and talks quickly and excitedly to try to pre- 
vent the others from noticing it) 

Phelan. When the Httle Japanaze came for me 
he said there was women crooks here too. 

Gladwin. You can have the whole place searched 
just as soon as you've got him where he can't get 
away. There are no women here. 

{A commotion is heard outside — the door is heard 
to open, and all hold the picture listening. 
Bateato enters c, dragging Helen in after 
him. ) 

Bateato. You tief ! (Triumphantly, to Phelan) 
She try to get away but I caught her — she tief — I 
saw her steal pictures. 

Phelan. Where the divil are they ^ 
all springin' from? \- (Together) 

Gladwin. Bateato, you idiot! J 

Gladwin. Didn't I tell you to stay at the hotel? 

Bateato. Yes, but I get frightened — I think I 
come back here — I find her stealing all pictures ! 

Gladwin. Shut up! Now listen, I don't want 
you to say anything more, understand? Not a word 
to anybody — about anything. 

Bateato. I no speak. 

Gladwin. Don't speak another word — if you 
do, I'll skin you ! 

Bateato. (Putting his hand over his mouth) 
I no speak no more for nothing! 

Gladwin. (To Helen^) Don't be afraid, every- 
thing's all right. (To Phelan) Now, Phelan— I'll 
explain this thing. 

Phelan. I wish to God ye would ! 

Gladwin. This lady's being here is all right— 
and she isn't connected with this affair in any way— 
I'll prove that to you easy enough. 



74 OFFICER 666 

Phelan. Well, go ahead. 

Gladwin. Fm going to — but first Fll put her in 
a cab. Fll be back in a moment. (Crossing up c. to 
L. of Helen) 

Phelan. You'll explain first 

Gladwin. I will — as soon as I see this lady 
safely started for home. (To Helen) Just come 
with me and 

Phelan. Hold on ! Youse'll not lave this room. 

Gladwin. But I only want 

Phelan. I don't care what ye want — ye'll stay 
right here. 

Gladwin. Oh, well, just as you say. Bateato, 
take this lady out and get her a taxi. 

Phelan. Bad Potatoes will stay where he is ! 

Gladwin. You're very disagreeable! (To 
Helen) Fm awfully sorry I can't go with you, but 
I think you can find the way for yourself. Just go 
out through the hall and 

(Helen starts up.) 

Phelan. She'll stay right here with the rest of 
youse ! 

Wilson. Officer, if there's anything further you 
want of me, you'll have to be quick. 

Phelan. Ye'll have to wait here till I can com- 
municate with Headquarters. 

Wilson. Then hurry it up, because it won't go 
well with you if Fm detained. 

Phelan. Now don't ye threaten me! 

Wilson. Threaten you ! Why I can show that 
you have been helping to rob my house. 

Phelan. Fowr house? What do ye mean — who 
are ye? 

Wilson. Who do you suppose I am? Travers 
Gladwin ! 

Phelan. Travers Gladwin! 



OFFICER 666 75 

Gladwin. Don't listen to him, Phelan. 

Phelan. Shut up, you 

Wilson. When I came home to-night I found 
this man here, robbing my house, dressed in your 
uniform — and you yourself were helping him. 

Phelan. But I didn't know 

Wilson. I don't think you did it intentionally — 
but why did you do it ? 

Phelan. He said he wanted to play a joke. 

Gladwin. Oh, don't be an idiot, Phelan. 

Phelan. Close your face. 

Wilson. (Smiling) Oh, yes — playing a joke! 
Did he offer you money? (Phelan looks at him) 
Now, you'd better tell me. 

Phelan. Yes, sir. 

Wilson. And you took it? 

Phelan. Yes, sir. 

Wilson. (Reproachfully) Oh, officer! Shame! 
Shame! Let me see what he gave you. (Phelan 
hesitates) Come on now, it's your only chance. 
(Phelan pulls out the bill and shows it to Wilson) 
And you didn't know better than to take that 
counterfeit ? 

Gladwin. Counterfeit! "i /^ , ^ 

V ( 7 ogether) 

Phelan. What? \ 

Wilson. (Taking hill and marking it with 
pencil) Will you swear that man gave you this 
bill? 

Phelan. I will, sorr! 

Wilson. You'll remember that mark so you can 
identify it? 

Phelan. Yes, sir. 

Wilson. Very well! (Putting the hill into his 
pocket) Then, we'll have no trouble in convicting 
him. 

Gladwin. See here, Phelan 



Phelan. I'd like to take one punch at you- 



T(i OFFICER (^ 

Wilson. Now, officer, is there anything I can do 
for you ? 

Phelan. Thank you, Mr. Gladwin — I got to get 
the patrol wagon here some way. 

Wilson. I'd call the patrol for you only Tm 
afraid these people might overpower you and get 
away with that trunk of pictures. 

Phelan. Will you kindly call the wagon, Mr. 
Gladwin ? I can handle thini and ten more like them ! 

Wilson. All right, but be very careful — I shan't 
be long. {He starts out. As he nearly reaches the 
door c. there is a noise at the outer door) 

Gladwin. You're letting him escape. 

Phelan. Keep quiet or I'll break ye in two ! 

(Captain Stone and four policemen enter c.) 

Gladwin. By Jove, Captain, I'm glad you've 
come. 

Captain. (To a patrolman) Cover that window. 
(He does so. To other patrolman) And you, 
cover that door. (Pointing to door r. Patrolman 
goes to door) 

Gladwin. We're in an awful muddle here 

Captain. Wait a moment! Phelan, what is all 
this? 

Phelan. I caught thim tryin' to get awav with 

Mr. Gladwin's 

Gladwin. Yes, it was by the luckiest chance 

Captain. Just a moment now — is this Mr. Glad- 
win? (Indicating Wilson) 

Phelan. Yes, sir. The other claims to be, but — 

Gladwin. Why, captain, I am Trav 

Captain. Silence! You've done well here, 
Phelan. 

Phelan. Thank ye, sorr. 

Wilson. I should say he has done well — if it 
hadn't been for him these thieves would have carried 



OFFICER 666 '^'J 

off my pictures. I would suggest, Captain, that he'd 
be in Hne for promotion. 

Phelan. Thank ye, sorr. 

Captain. V\\ mention this in my report. Now, 
Phelan, get a patrol wagon and come back here 
with it. 

Phelan. Yes, sorr ! {He exits c. shriitting out 
majestically) 

Gladwin. Now see here. Captain, I'm Travers 
Gladwin 

Captain. Oh, you are, eh ? Well, we'll see about 
that. Where is that little Jap that notified me of 
this? (Bateato, much frightened, starts for door 
c. Captain sees him) Here you! {Policeman 
grabs Bateato and stops him) Come here! 
(Bateato goes to him trembling) You're Mr. 
Gladwin's servant, you said? (Bateato, still hold- 
ing his hand over his mouth, does not ansiver) 
Which one of these men is your master? Answer 
me ! (Bateato still does not speak, only looks about 
at the people hopelessly) Which is your master? 
Answer me ! 

(Bateato bursts out crying.) 

Wilson. {Going to Bateato and putting his 
hand on his shoulder leads him away, down tozvard 
R.) The poor little devil's frightened to death, 
Captain. These thieves have intimidated him — 
threatened to kill him and all that. 

Gladwin. Now, look here. Captain 

Captain. Silence ! 

Wilson. I've really a very important engage- 
ment — it's going to cost me a lot of money if Fm 
detained. 

Captain. I'll have the patrol here in five minutes. 
{Seeing Helen) Here, you, come here. {She 
comes tozvard him) 



78 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. Now, listen, Captain 

Captain. Keep quiet — who is this woman? 

Gladwin. This lady has nothing to do with this 
affair whatever. 

Captain. I don't care to hear from you. 

Gladwin. Well, you've got to hear from me! 
(Taking Helen dozvn l.) If you do anything to 
embarrass her, you'll be sorry, understand that. 

(Barnes enters quickly c.) 

Barnes. (Taking in the situation and going to 
Gladwin) By Jove, I'm too late! I've been all 
over the place trying to warn you — I knew the 
police were on your track ! 

Captain. Who the devil are you? 

Wilson. (Quick and strong) He's another one 
of them — he's probably got some story trumped up 
that he thinks will get him off. 

Captain. (To Barnes) W^hat do you know 
about this affair? 

Gladwin. (In quick undertone) Not a word 
about the girl — not a word! 

(Barnes looks at Gladwin.) 

Barnes. I won't. 

Captain. Here, stop that whispering! (To 
Barnes) Come here! 

Barnes. (Going to the Captain) What's the 
row, Captain? 

Captain. I want you to tell me what you know 
about this affair — come along, the truth now ! 

Barnes. Well, I know somebody claims to be 
Travers Gladwin, and Gladwin, — that is, the real 
Gladwin, I mean, and I decided to trap him. 

Captain. Who is the real Gladwin? 

Barnes. (Pointing to Gladwin) He is. 



OFFICER 666 79 

(Wilson smiles. Has perfectly easy manner. Cap- 
tain looks around at him.) 

Captain. H'm! {Back to Barnes) And when 
did you find out that there was someone else who 
claimed to be Gladwin? 

Barnes. Why, Gladwin and I were here this 
afternoon when the door-bell rang and two — (Glad- 
win coughs — Barnes looks at him and stops) 

Captain. Yes, and two what? 

Barnes. Well, you see, the door-bell rang 

Captain. Yes, you said that. The door-bell rang 
and two 

Barnes. Yes, and two minutes after that, it 
rang again — rang in an extraordinary kind of way, 
you know — as if whoever was ringing it, was ring- 
it because — because they wanted to come in in a 
hurry, you see. Well, I went to the door 

Captain. Why did you go to the door? 

Barnes. Well, you see, the bell rang 

Captain. Don't go back to that again ! Why did 
you go to the door? 

Barnes. Well, I can't at this moment remember 
exactly, but I'm under the impression I went to — to 
find out who was ringing the bell. 

Captain. That's enough! {Motions to police- 
man to get him ) Take him away. 

(Ryan cotnes down and grabs him, and takes him up 

L. and puts the handcuffs on him, Barnes 

remonstrating all the while.) 

Gladwin. See here. Captain, I can explain this — 

Captain. I don't want to hear it. {To other 

patrolman) Take him along. 

{Patrolman goes to Gladwin and takes him up R.) 

Wilson. {To Helen— af l.) Now then, Helen, 
we can go. 



8o OFFICER 666 

Helen. (Backing away from hmi) No! 

Captain. (To another patrolman) You take 
along the Jap and this — (He glances sharply at 
Helen and speaks with a slight change of tone) 
This lady 

(Patrolman grabs Bateato. Enter Kearney, plain- 
clothes man.) 

Captain. Hello, Kearney. What do you want? 

Kearney. I'm looking for Travers Gladwin. 

Wilson. I'm Travers Gladwin! 

Gladwin. That's my name ! 

Kearney. (Looking from one to the other) 
Oh, both of you named Travers Gladwin? 

Captain. (Pointing to Gladwin) That one's a 
fake — this — (Indicating Wilson) is the real Travers 
Gladwin ! 

Wilson. What can I do for you? 

Kearney. I have a warrant for your arrest ! 

(Bateato laughs.) 

Wilson. (Laughing) My arrest! What for? 

Kearney. Cradle snatching — abduction. 

Wilson. That's rich! 

Kearney. I got the warrant from — (He looks at 
Wilson and stops speaking. Then looks him over 
from head to foot. All the others become intensely 
interested. Wilson stands easily but is really under 
great excitement) Would you mind coming over 
here a moment, Mr. Gladwin? 

(Wilson crosses to c. under chandelier, and 
Kearney looks at him searchingly.) 

Captain. What is it, Kearney? 
Kearney. I think there's something wrong, sir. 
Are you sure this man is Travers Gladwin ? 



OFFICER 666 ■ 8i 

Wilson. (With great effort to be easy) You 
seem to be rather doubtful about it. (Crosses back) 

Kearney. I am. What is this case, Captain? 

Captain. Picture robbery ! 

Kearney. Picture robbery! I was sure of it! 
I think you've made a sHght mistake, Captain. If 
I'm not mistaken I know this man. 

Wilson. (Fiercely) What the devil are you? 

Kearney. (Shaking his head) Cut it! That 
won't get you anything — I know you ! 

Gladwin. Well, who is he? (Rises from chest) 

Kearney. He's the greatest picture expert in 
the world ! 

(Long pause. All look at Wilson — he recovers 
first.) 

Wilson. You flatter me ! 

Kearney. You admit it, then? 

Wilson. (Shaking his head and smiling) I'm 
not so egotistical. But I'll go along with you with 
pleasure and we'll see what you're able to prove. 

Captain. Are you sure about this, Kearney? 

Kearney. (Wilson listens keenly to what 
Kearney says) Certain, sir. He's been fooling 
them on the other side for years — but they nearly 
got him in Scotland Yard about ten months ago — 
he was going by the name of Alf Wilson — he 
managed to make a get-a-way. 

Wilson. (Deliberately looking at pictures — his 
hands in his pockets. He laughs slightly. Back to 
audience) I don't suppose there's any use trying 
to deny all this just now. 

Kearney. (Reaching for handcuffs) Not the 
slightest. 

Gladwin. (To Kearney) Here, just a mo- 
ment — (To Wilson) I'd like to ask you one ques- 
tion. 



82 OFFICER (^ 

(Kearney pauses and listens.) 

Wilson. I'd be delighted! 

Gladwin. How did you know I bought that 
picture five years ago ? 

Wilson. I was the man behind the gun — think it 
over. 

Gladwin. You not only knew it was a fake but 
when I bought it and what I paid for it. 

Wilson. I knew about it because — I painted it. 

Gladwin. What? 

Wilson. (Goes up and stands l. c. looking at 
picture as he speaks. Kearney follows him up) 
Yes, your " Blue Boy " was painted — (Indicating 
Kearney with his left hand) according to this 
gentleman, by the greatest picture expert in the 
world! (Lights out. He is now close to the light 
szvitch and suddenly switches off the lights. The 
stage is in complete darkness) 

Captain. Quick, man, cover the doors — don't let 
anyone get out — where is that switch? Get the 
lights on, quick! (After a moment's confusion in 
the darkness) Where is that damn switch? 

Gladwin. Turn up the lights! (Lights up. 
The light are switched on) 

Kearney. He's gone! 

Gladwin. (Running up and pointing up the 
stairs) There he goes up the stairs, Captain. 

(Captain runs up stairs.) 

Kearney. (To patrolman by the window) You 
go through the window. (Patrolman exits out of 
windozv. To other patrolman) You through that 
door! (Ryan follows the Captain upstairs. 
Kearney exits r. and returns immediately 

Barnes. (Running after Ryan) Here, I say, 
my God! Come back, you've forgotten to unlock 



OFFICER 666 83 

me. Here, do you think Vm goiiig through Hfe 
wearing — (His voice dies away in the distance ) 

Gladwin. (To Kearney) You go and help 
men search — I'll look out for this room. 

Kearney. Keep a close watch — look out for that 
window. 

Gladwin. I will ! 

Kearney. If you see him or hear him, give the 
alarm ! 

Gladwin. I know what to do. (Kearney exits 
c. door and runs up stairs. Gladwin calling) 
Bateato. (Bateato springs to him. He begins to 
speak, but remembers, and claps his hand over his 
mouth) Take care of this lady — see that she is 
made comfortable. (Bateato picks up Helen's 
bag and starts up the stairs, Helen following him. 
When they are gone, Gladwin closes the c. doors 
quietly, then goes to portieres and draws them to- 
gether, then takes out a cigarette, sits on the edge of 
the table looking front. Gets match-box from 
pocket, withdraws match and lights cigarette and 
sits smoking easily as if waiting for something. 
The lid of the chest is seen very slowly to rise. 
Gladwin suddenly turns, looking towards it. 
Gladwin in Irish dialect) I'm waiting for ye, Mr. 
Gladwin. 

Wilson. (Raises lid of chest about a foot — 
pokes his head out and covers Gladwin with 
revolver, then speaks very quietly and pleasantly) 
If you move, it'll be the last act of your life, Mc- 
Ginty. 

Gladwin. Murphy, sorr! 

Curtain 



84 OFFICER 666 



ACT III 

vScene: At rise Wilson is discovered sitting on 
the chest still covering Gladwin with revolver. 
Gladwin seated as at the end of Act II on the 
edge of the table calmly smoking a cigarette, 
looking front. 

Wilson. W^ell, you don't seem anxious to give 
the alarm. 

Gladwin. No — I'm afraid it would make you 
nervous. 

(Wilson goes up to the door and listens, then re- 
turns.) 

Wilson. So nervous this gun might go off, eh? 

Gladwin. {Looks at him casually) Yes. 

Wilson. You seem to enjoy smoking. 

Gladwin. {Taking another puff of his cigarette) 
Have you got time to smoke a cigar? 

Wilson. Is it a good one? 

Gladwin. I don't know — it's the one you gave 
me when I was the policeman. {He tosses it to 
Wilson. Wilson catches it) 

Wilson. Then it's all right. Oh, by the way, if 
you see our mutual friend 666 you might give him 
this five hundred dollar bill. {Throwing it to 
Gladwin. Gladwin catches it) 

Gladwin. You're generous. 

Wilson. Oh, I'm not a regular crook — I'm in 
the picture business. 

Gladwin. {Putting his hand in his pocket and 
ptdling out bills) Well, then, I'll return these tokens 
of your appreciation also. {He wads the bills tip 
tightly) 

Wilson. You're too kind ! 



OFFICER 666 85 

Gladwin. They may help you to get better 
accommodations when you reach Sing-Sing. (He 
tosses the money to Wilson) 

Wilson. (Catching it) If I don't use it imtil I 
get to Sing-Sing I'll keep it a long, long time. 

Gladwin. (Looks at him) You m.ean, you 
think you're going to escape? 

Wilson. (Chuckles) I venture to hope so. 

Gladwin, ^^'ith a guard all around the house 
and policemen searching inside? 

Wilson. It is close enough to make it interest- 
ing. 

Gladwin. (Looking at him suddenly) Well, 
I'll say one thing for you: you're the coolest chap 
I ever met. 

Wilson. To be quite candid, there are times 
when I'm not so cool as I look. (There is a noise 
outside and Wilson goes up to c. door and listens) 

Gladwin. Those cops will finish their search 
soon — then they'll come in here. 

Wilson. I'm listening for them. 

Gladwin. Just because 3'our gun prevents me 
from calling them now, don't think 

W^iLSON. This gun isn't preventing you. If you 
wanted to call them you'd take a chance — I've found 
out that much about you. 

Gladwin. No, I wouldn't. You're compli- 
mentary, but I 

Wilson. Well, I'll prove it. (He throws the 
gun to Gladwin ivho catches it) Now go ahead 
and call them. (A pause) What are you waiting 
for? (Another pause) 

Gladwin. How did you know that I wouldn't 
call them? 

Wilson. I saw you stopping that copper putting 
the handcuffs on me. 

Gladwin. I did? 



86 OFFICER 666 

Wilson. Oh, I noticed it, and you knew I was 
in that chest. 

Gladwin. (Picks up the gun and breaks it) 
Empty ! 

Wilson. Always. I wouldn't shoot anyone. 
I'd much rather be nabbed than do that. 

(Gladwin hands the pistol back to Wilson, and 
Wilson puts it in his pocket.) 

Gladwin. Say, would you mind telling me how 
you came to use my name? 

Wilson. It wasn't safe to use mine, and when 
I met Miss — that girl — your name was in my mind 
and I — borrowed it. 

Gladwin. That's the thing I can't forgive you 
for: to deceive her as you did. 

Wilson. I don't care for your opinion on that 
point. How can a man like you understand a man 
like me? {Voices outside. Wilson goes up to 
door again and listens) 

Gladwin. But I tell you, Wilson, the game's 
up — if you take my advice you won't even try to 
escape. 

Wilson. Then I won't take your advice. 

Gladwin. But all these policemen know you're 
a big prize — if they find you and you try to get 
away, they'll shoot — and shoot to kill. 

Wilson. Death, my dear Gladwin, is the very 
least of my troubles. No matter how clever we 
may be, we are none of us clever enough to avoid 
that. {Voices outside. Witsoi^ crosses to window) 

Gladwin. By Jove ! I hope you escape. 

Wilson. I know damn well you do, but not on 
my account. 

Gladwin. No? 

Wilson. You're thinking of that girl — you don't 
want it known she was going to marry me. Do 
you? 



OFFICER 666 , * 87 

Gladwin. I'll tell you exactly what I— (Barnes' 
voice heard in the hall; he is trying to open the 
c. doors) Wait a moment — that door is locked. 
(Wilson has grabbed up portiere zvhich he threw 
L. of door in Act II, and hides in portieres by the 
ivindow. Gladwin goes up and unlocks the door 
and Barnes enters. He is still handcuffed) 

Barnes. Have you seen him? 

Gladwin. No, I think he's escaped. 

Barnes. Oh, I don't mean the robber, Johnny— 
I mean the damned idiot who locked these things on 
me. 

Gladwin. He's searching the house. 

Barnes. That's what I've been doing, but I can't 
find him anywhere. (Kearney enters front c. 
Stretching out arms to Kearney) I say, look here 
— can you unlock me? 

Kearney. No! (Crosses r.) 

Barnes. Well, confound it, somebody ought to 
unlock me. This is the most annoying position I 
was ever in in my life. 

Kearney. (Pointing out r.) What's out that 
way ? 

Gladwin. I'll show you. (Holds the door open 
for Kearney to pass and then follows him out r. 
Barnes has scene of trying different ways to remove 
the handcuffs. He at last gives it up, then zvith 
great difficulty manages to get cigarette case out of 
his vest pocket. It springs open and falls to the 
floor. He stoops down and tries to replace the 
cigarettes in the case very azvkwardly. He at last 
manages this — puts one cigarette in his mouth- 
closes the box and puts it back in his pocket. He 
then tries to reach into his trousers pocket for his 
match box. He works at this for some little^ time 
without success. Gladwin enters R.) What's the 
matter, old top? 

Barnes. Matter— what isn't the matter ? (Going 



88 OFFICER 666 

to Gladwin) Would you mind getting my matches? 
(Gladwin reaches into his trousers pocket. Barnes 
suddenly doubles over) Hey ! Stop that ! 

Gladwin. Stop what? 

Barnes. Stop tickling me ! 

Gladwin. I'm not tickling you. 

Barnes. I suppose I know when I'm being 
tickled or not! (Kearney enters from r.) I say, 
what was the name of the silly fool who locked 
these things on me? 

Kearney. Ryan. 

Barnes. Ryan? Where is he? 

Kearney. He's up on the roof. 

Barnes. The roof? What the devil's he doing 
on the roof ? 

Kearney. I posted him there. 

Barnes. Well, I'll go up there and if he don't 
unlock me, I'll push him ofif. {Goes upstairs. 
Kearney looks about on stage) 

(Gladwin looks out of the portiere and then looks 
out front just as Kearney faces him. Kearney 
continues his search, looking into the chest, 
etc. Gladwin is standing l. at window zvhist- 
ling and Kearney becomes suspicious of him.) 

Kearney. Funny thing where that man got to, 
Mr. Gladwin. 

Gladwin. Yes, isn't it though. These chaps are 
clever, aren't they? I suppose he's miles away by 
this time. 

Kearney. I don't think .he's gone very far. He 
couldn't have got away without the men outside see- 
ing him. 

Gladwin. Couldn't he ? 

Kearney. No. He's here in the house, Mr. 
Gladwin. 

Gladwin. You think so? 



OFFICER 666 89 

Kearney. I guess you knew that. 

Gladwin. I don't know anything of the kind. 

(Kearney looks at him suspiciously. Ryan crosses 
from L. to R. above c. doors.) 

Kearney. {Calling him) Ryan! (Ryan com^^ 
to him) I thought I posted you on the roof? 

Ryan. Can't get up there, sir. The skyHght's 
bolted down. 

Kearney. Did you see the man you put the 
bracelets on? 

Ryan. No, sir. 

Gladwin. Well, go and find him. He's in an 
awful state ! 

Kearney. No, never mind that now. 

Gladwin. Well, you needn't waste time here — 
I can look out for this room. 

Kearney. Oh, no, you can't. 

Gladwin. Why can't I ? 

Kearney. Because you're under arrest. 

Gladwin. What? 

Kearney. I was after you when I happened to 
find the other fellow. Here's the warrant, Ryan, 
take him to the Captain. {He hands Ryan the 
warrant) 

Gladwin. But that warrant wasn't meant for 
me. 

Kearney. Why ? Was the girl running oflf with 
that crook? 

Gladwin. No ! 

Kearney. Then you'll have to go along. 

Gladwin. But I tell you I won't! 

Ryan. Come on, sir. 

Gladwin. Not by a damn sight ! 

Kearney. Go ahead, Ryan. 

(Ryan takes Gladwin off c. upstairs, Gladwin 
loudly expostulating.) 



90 OFFICER 666 



Gladwin. See here, I can't leave this place — you 
don't understand — there are a lot of reasons why 
I— etc. 

(Kearney, left alone, goes to doors and closes 
them — looks about room — goes to zvindow — 
looks out betzveen portieres. As he does so 
Wilson throws portiere over his head and 
throws him to the floor; just as Kearney is 
getting out of portiere Wilson dashes out of 
the window. Kearney rushes after him and 
as Kearney runs through the portiere Wilson 
re-enters above portieres. Kearney is heard 
yelling.) 

Kearney. He came out this way — did he jump 
off this balcony? 

Voice. (Outside) I didn't see him. 

Kearney. Well, look sharp — he's hiding there 
somewhere. 

(Wilson goes to r. and as lie gets near mantel 
Phelan enters c. and they meet.) 

Phelan. Oh, ye are here, Mr. Gladwin ! 

Wilson. Yes, I'm here. 

Phelan. I just came back with the wagon but 
they say that crook got away. 

Wilson. (Laughing) No, I think he's still in 
the house — and I want you to have the credit of 
catching him. (Coming down below large chair) 
You go up and report to the Captain, then come back 
to this room and possibly I can tell you where he is. 

Phelan. Yes, sir! (Going up c.) Ye'A^e been 
a good friend to me, Mr. Gladwin. (Exits c. up the 
(He exits c. door slams) 



OFFICER 666 ' 9^ 

(Wilson listens an instant, then, hides in the fire- 
place. Kearney enters from the window with 
tzvo policemen. Bell rings again.) 

Kearney. (To policeman) See who that is at 
the door. (Policeman exits c. and goes l. To 
other policeman) Look out that way through the 
kitchen. Report what you find— I'll help the boys 
outside— this fellow is as slippery as an eel. 

(Door slams. Policeman enters c. zvith Watkins.) 

Kearney. Well, what do you want? 

Watkins. I was sent here after a lady. 

Kearney. Who sent you? . 

Watkins. I don't know — some man — Gladwm, 
he said his name was. 

Kearney. Well, you'll have to stay here till the 
Captain gets back. Wait there in the hall. 

Watkins. Yes, sir. (Goes into hall. Kearney 
exits c. upstairs) 

Wilson. Pst! Pst! (Watkins enters looking 
about. Wilson comes out of the fireplace) By 
George, that was the closest call I ever had ! You 
took a big chance coming back— it was fine o* Y^^' 

Watkins. I couldn't wait any longer, sir. When 
I saw Gladwin leave the house I risked it. 

Wilson. Yes, yes, I know. (Door slam— point- 
ing to chimney) Get up there, quick! 

(Watkins darts into chimney and disappears. 
Gladwin arid Kearney are heard out m the 
hall up stairs.) 

Kearney. Hold on now ! 

Gladwin. Hold on nothing! 

Keafney. I ordered you to report to the Cap- 
tain. 



92 OFFICER 666 

Gladwin. I have reported to him. (Wilson 
gets quickly into the chest again as Gladwin enters 
c.) And he ordered me to wait here until the 
search was finished. 

(Kearney enters c.) 

Kearney. But I had a warrant for your- 



Gladwin. I don't care what you had — I'm not 
going to Headquarters and leave my house full of 
policemen 

Kearney. You can't work this bluff on me, Mr. 
Gladwin — I know you're trying to help that man 
escape. 

Gladwin. Well, try to prove it. I'm back here 
under the Captain's orders. If you make me any 
more trouble you'll wish you hadn't. 

Kearney. I'll see the Captain about your case 
myself — then, he may get a different idea of it. 
{He exits c. door slams) 

{As soon as he is gone Gladwin looks about the 
room and then goes to the portieres. Speaks 
in a whisper.) 

Gladwin. H'st ! H'st ! 

{As he starts for the portieres Phelan is seen com- 
ing dozvn the stairs. Gladwin carefully pokes 
his head out of the portieres and whistles 
softly, then stands listening. Phelan enters 
c. doors and recognises him — tiptoes to him 
and grabs him around the waist. They struggle 
c.) 

Phelan. {Yelling) I got you — you won't get 
away from me this time — I'll learn ye to play your 
jokes on me. {Door slam) Captain, I got him! 
Men — boys — here ! 



OFFICER 666 93 

(The Captain and Kearney rush in follozved by 
tzuo policemen. Phelan and Gladwin have 
struggled dozvn l. c. and Phelan puts Glad- 
win over the table.) 

Captain. (Rushing in) Have you got hirxi, 
Phelan? 

Phelan. I have, sorr! (Szvings Gladwin 
around tozvards the Captain) 

Captain. (Recognising him) What the devil's 
this? 

Phelan. The thief, sorr! 

Captain. Thief, hell! This is Mr. Gladwin! 

Gladwin. Yes, you nut! 

Phelan. (Lets go of Gladwin and drops mto 
chair) What? 

Captain. Has he hurt you, sir? 

Gladwin. He'd be a great partner for the 
Grizzly Bear. 

Captain. What's the matter with you, Phelan? 
Have you been on a drunk to-day? 

Phelan. No, sorr! 

Mrs. Burton. (Heard outside) Don't try to 
stop me. officer, I've come for my niece. (Sadie 
enters c. Mrs. Burton crosses to l. c.) Who's 
in charge here? 

Captain. I am — what do you want? 

(Gladwin goes out on the balcony.) 

Mrs. Burton. I want to find my niece. 

Captain. You'll have to wait a few moments. 

Mrs. Burton. But you don't understand— I got 
the warrant— I ordered Mr. Gladwin's arrest. 

Captain. We're not here on that account— we're 
looking for a thief who broke in here to-night. 

Mrs. Burton. A thief? I saw him. 

Captain. What? 



94 OFFICER 666 

Mrs. Burton. Yes, when I was here before. 

Captain. How was that? 

Mrs. Burton. Why, he was — (Suddenly, seeing 
Phelan) Why, there's the man now — and he's 
got on a pohceman's uniform. 

Captain. (Pointing to Phelan) You saw that 
man here? 

Mrs. Burton. Yes, he was in his shirt-sleeves 
and when he saw me, he ran away to hide. 

Captain. Are you sure about that? 

Mrs. Burton. I should say I am — I shall never 
forget that face — never! (Goes up c. calling) 
Helen! Helen! (Exit c.) 

Phelan. Captain, I want to explain about this — 

Captain. Not now — report to me at Head- 
quarters — I'll attend to your case later. Go on with 
your search, Kearney. (Captain exits c. and goes 
to L.) 

Kearney, All right, sir — come on, men. (The 
two policemen and Kearney exit through the 
window. Barnes enters c. r.) 

(Sadie goes to him.) 

Barnes. Ah, Miss Sadie 



Sadie. (Offering her hand to shake hands) 
How do you do? 

Barnes. (Still zvearing handcuffs, puts his elbow 
in her hand, and shakes it) How do you do? 

Sadie. (Looking at his hands) What is the 
matter ? 

Barnes. (Is hiding the handcuffs under his coat 
sleeve) I feel dreadfully cold — I'm afraid I got a 
shocking chill somehow. 

Sadie. I'm so sorry. 

Barnes. Oh, I dare say it'll pass ofif. Do you 
mind if I speak to this officer just a moment? 
(Whispers in Phelan's ear) 



OFFICER 666 95 

Phelan. (Loud tone) No, I ain't got no key — 
I got nothin' but me discharge unless I can catch 
that crook. (Exits through zvindozv) 

(Mrs. Burton enters c.) 

Mrs. Burton. (To Barnes) Do you know 
where my niece is ? 

Barnes. Oh, yes, she's here. 

Mrs. Burton. Here? Where? 

Barnes. Upstairs, dressing. 

Mrs. Burton and Sadie. (Together) What? 
Dressing? (Barnes, Mrs. Burton and Sadie exit 
c. and upstairs) 

(Phelan enters through the zvindozv and looks 
about. Is about to exit c, uvhen Wilson raises 
the lid of the chest.) 

Wilson. Hello, there, 666! 
Phelan. (Rushing dozvn to Wilson) Begorra, 
I've got ye again! 

(Watkins comes out from fireplace, closes c. doors 
quietly. Wilson steps out of the chest and 
Phelan grabs him.) 

Wilson. Wait, wait, w^it ! Now, how are you 
going to help me get away? 

Phelan. Help ye get away? 

Wilson. Yes, you can't afford to have me caught. 

Phelan. And why can't I ? 

Wilson. Because I can break you — because I 
can prove you let another man wear your uniform 
and you'll lose your job ! 

(Watkins comes stealthily from the chimney, takes 
bottle and handkerchief from his pocket and 
saturates handkerchief zvith liquid from the 
bottle and comes up behind Phelan.) 



96 OFFICER 666 

Phelan. Begorra, I've lost me job already unless 
I can get ye before the Captain. Here, give me 
back me five hundred dollar bill or I'll knock the — 

(Watkins grabs him around the neck with one hand 
and holds handkerchief under his nose with the 
other. Phelan struggles violently for a time, 
then slowly relaxes and sinks onto chest; and 
Wilson and Watkins put him in chest, take off 
his uniform, etc., and close the lid.) 

Wilson. Give me those pictures quick — and 
make up a similar bundle. (He points to portiere 
which he used to throw oyer Kearney, and Wat- 
kins puts a few articles in it to make it appear 
like the bundle of pictures) Then try to get out- 
side. If you make it, start your engine, get in the 
car and wait for me. 

Watkins. I understand, sir. (Wilson has 
bundle of pictures, Phelan's uniform, belt, hat and 
club and starts for door R.) You can't get out that 
way, sir. 

Wilson. I know it — I'll take a chance through 
the front. {He exits r.) 

Watkins. (Arranging the bundle at trunk) 

When he sees this, it'll drive him oflF his bally 

union. {Door slams. Watkins rushes up and 

unlocks door c. and quickly sits in chair r. of door) 

(Kearney and the Captain enter c.) 

Captain. {Sees Watkins) What are you doing 
here? 

Watkins. I was sent after a lady, sir. 

Kearney. Yes, he came to get that girl — I told 
him he'd have to wait till you got back. 

Captain. Wait out there in the hall. 

Watkins. Yes, sir. {He exits c.) 

Captain. Now, where was he? 



OFFICER 666 97 

Kearney. Hiding behind that portiere. 
Captain. And you think Gladwin knew it? 
Kearney. Certain, sir. 

(Barnes enters c.) 

Barnes. I say, Captain, do you know where Mr. 
Ryan is? 

Captain. Who? 

Barnes. Mr. Ryan. 

Kearney. I sent him to headquarters. 

Barnes. Well now, look here, I'd like to have 
him sent back here— I demand that you send him 
back here— my position is unbearable, positively 
unbearable. 

Captain. (To Kearney) Get your men to- 
gether and work from the roof down. 

(Kearney exits c.) 

Barnes. But, damn it. Captain 

Captain. (Turning on him suddenly) Don't 
annoy me — can't you see I'm busy? (Goes out on 
balcony and Barnes starts after him as Sadie enters 
c.) 

Sadie. Where is he? 

Barnes. (Turning to her) Gone back to Head- 
quarters. 

Sadie. Who? 

Barnes. Mr. Ryan. 

Sadie. I don't mean Mr. Ryan— I mean the 
chauffeur who came here after Helen. 

Barnes, (l. c.) Oh, there's a chauffeur after 

her, too? . j • • 

Sadie. How fortunate the police arrived just in 

time to save Helen ! , . j 

Barnes. The police ! They had nothing to do 
with saving her. 



98 OFFICER 666 

Sadie, (r. c.) Didn't they? 

Barnes. Nothing at all. They were only a 
nuisance — one of them in particular — named 
Ryan. 

Sadie. Then who did prevent the elopement? 

Barnes. Can't you guess ? 

Sadie. Oh, did you do it? 

Barnes. Didn't I tell you I'd do it? 

Sadie. I don't know how to thank you. 

Barnes. Oh, it was nothing. 

Sadie. You're the nicest man I ever met. 

Barnes. Do you mean that? 

Sadie. Indeed I mean it. 

Barnes. Then you w.on't mind my saying that 
you're the nicest girl I've ever met. Why, would 
you believe it, I love you — I love you tremendously ! 

Sadie. Oh, that isn't possible. You don't even 
know me. 

Barnes. That's the jolly part of it — loving some- 
one I don't know. It's so unusual. Do you think 
after you've had time to know me better that you'll 
be able to care for me? 

Sadie. (Shyly and walking to r. below chest) 
Oh, I don't know. 

Barnes. (Following her) Of course, you don't 
know — but what do you think? Please tell me the 
truth. 

Sadie. I'm sure I shall. 

Barnes. Oh, you darling! (He tries to throw 
his arms arotmd her and she sees the handcuffs) 

Sadie. Oh ! 

Barnes. What's the matter ? 

Sadie. Those things. 

Barnes. (Looking dozvn at his hands) Oh, 
these? There are quite a lot of people wearing them 
this year. 

Sadie. (Stepping back) Why, they're hand- 
cuffs! 



OFFICER 666 99 

Barnes. How clever of you to guess it — You've 
never worn them, I suppose? 

Sadie. Why they only put those on criminals. 

Barnes. Yes, that's what they thought I was. 
So they put them on me. 

Sadie. Oh! (Taking a step azvay from him) 

Barnes. Do you think I'm a criminal? 

Sadie. (Going to him) I know you're not! 

(Barnes manages to put his arms about her by 
putting them over her head.) 

Barnes. You believe in me — you dear! 
Sadie. I can't help believing in you. (They sit 
on chest) 

(Mrs. Burton enters c. and screams. Sadie and 
Barnes spring up, but the handcuffs prevent 
him from taking his arms away.) 

Mrs. Burton. Sadie, come here to me. 

Sadie. But I can't, Auntie. 

]\Irs. Burton. (Up c.) Why not? 

Barnes. It's all Ryan's fault. He put these 
beastly things on me 

Mrs. Burton. What does it mean? 

Barnes. It means we're engaged. 

Sadie. Yes, if you'll give your consent, Auntie, 
please. 

(Gladwin enters c.) 

Gladwin. (Down l. c.) You can be set free 
now — Ryan's in the hall. 

Barnes. (Embracing Sadie again) Send him 
back to Headquarters ! 

(Helen enters.) 
Sadie. Oh, do have them taken off ! 



100 OFFICER 666 

Barnes. All right! (He kneels down and she 

jumps out and Sadie and Barnes start off together) 

Mrs. Burton. Sadie, you stay here with me. 

(Sadie stands near Barnes, undecided.) 

Barnes. I beg your pardon — have you met Mr. 
Gladwin ? 
(Helen enters c. She is dressed in travelling-suit.) 

Mrs. Burton. Gladwin ! (She immediately 
leaves Sadie and goes to Gladwin. Sadie and 
Barnes exit c.) So it was you v/ho tried to steal 
my niece ! It was you who ? 

Helen, (r. c.) No, auntie! You're wrong. 

Gladwin. Just a moment, Helen dear. (She 
stops surprised) Madam, I do love your niece, 
and want to marry her. 

Mrs. Burton. You wanted to run away and 
elope. 

Helen. But, auntie, he didn't. 

Gladw^in. Now, Helen darling, don't try to 
shield me. (To Mrs. Burton) Madam, your niece 
did not want to elope — she begged me to come to 
you and ask your consent. 

Mrs. Burton. Then why didn't you do it? 

Gladwin. Well, I came home in secret. 

Mrs. Burton. In secret? Why? 

Gladwin. I heard there was a plan on foot to 
rob me. To let it become known that I was here 
might have cost me millions. I told your niece and 
begged her to keep my secret. 

Mrs. Burton. And you expect me to believe 
this? 

Gladwin. Why, to-night, when you thought your 
niece and I were trying to elope, I was here trying 
to prevent a notorious band of thieves from robbing 
my house. 

Mrs. Burton. What? 



OFFICER 666 loi 

Gladwin. Why, they were taking pictures worth 
a fortune. 

Mrs. Burton. {Looking about) Why, I de- 
clare, they've taken some of the pictures out of the 
frames. 

Gladwin. Taken some? Why, they've taken all 
the most valuable ones ! 

Mrs. Burton. Oh, no, not all. 

Gladwin. Yes, all ! 

Mrs. Burton. (Pointing to the ''Blue Boy") 
They didn't take that one, and it certainly is very 
beautiful. 

Gladwin. Do you like that one? 

Mrs. Burton. It's charming! 

Gladwin. It's yours. 

Mrs. Burton. Really, sir 

Gladwin. Please do me the honor of accepting it. 

Mrs. Burton. I couldn't think of such a thing. 

Gladwin. Not another word ! I was thinking of 
it for a wedding gift for Sadie and Mr. Barnes 

Mrs. Burton. (Suddenly looking around) 
What? Where are they? 

Gladwin. I don't think they've lett the house 
yet — but if there is an elopement to-night 

Mrs. Burton. Great Heavens ! Sadie eloping ! 
I'll find out — Sadie! Sadie! (She rushes out c.) 

Helen. How could you tell my aunt such a 
story ? 

Gladwin. Because she mustn't know about the 
other man — ever. 

Helen. But she'll have to know about him, won't 
she? 

Gladwin. No. 

Helen. Wasn't he arrested? 

Gladwin. He wasn't when they took me : he was 
hiding on the balcony. I don't see how he could 
escape but perhaps he did. Anyhow he didn't get 
what he came for. 



102 OFFICER 666 

Helen. You mean your pictures. 

Gladwin. I mean you — and he didn't get my 
pictures either. (Holds tip the portiere which 
Watkins left on trunk) I shall always be grateful 
to that chap. 

Helen. Grateful to him? 

Gladwin. Yes. It was through him I found 
you. He's done me the biggest favor that I ever 
had in my life. 

Helen. (Sinile) You're joking. 

Gladwin. Joking? Why, from the first moment 
I laid eyes on you I knew you were the only girl 
for me. I seem to know all about you — all the 
things you like 

Helen. The things I like? 

Gladwin. Yes. Now, grape-fuit, for instance. 
I knew you liked grape-fruit. 

Helen. How did you know that? 

Gladwin. Because I saw it in your eyes. . 

Helen. You're making fun of me. 

Gladwin. No, I'm not — all I'm doing is only for 
one reason — I love you ! 

Helen. But you know that I was going to elope. 

Gladwin. I love you! 

Helen. You saw him kiss me ! 

Gladwin. Yes, I saw him — but I love you. 

Helen. But we're strangers. 

Gladwin. It doesn't matter to me who we are or 
what we are — I love you. That's all that counts. 

(Captain and tivo Policemen come down the stairs.) 

Gladwin. Have you found him. Captain? 

Captain. No, but we still believe he's in the 
house. Sure you don't know where he's hiding? 

Gladwin. No, I don't know. 

Captain. (To Policemen) Here, men — go 
through the kitchen and cellar. Don't miss anything 



OFFICER 666 ' 103 

now. (Captain eA-ifs c. goes l. The tzvo Police- 
men go toward door r. Wilson enters hmnediately 
c. from R., and aUnost joins tJie two Policemen zvho 
are searching. The Policemen exit r. and Wilson 
comes down to Gladwin) 

Wilson. Mr. Gladwin. 

Gladwin. T\Iurphv, sir. So you are 666 now, 
eh? 

Wilson. You seemed to get tired of it — I 
thought Fd try it a while. 

Gladwin. By Jove, you can get away in that 
uniform — go quick ! 

Wilson. {Going up c.) I never hurry in these 
cases — it will be much easier to leave when the Cap- 
tain and Kearney are not at the front door. 

Gladwin. But they won't leave the front door. 

Wilson. Yes, they will, when I want them to. 

Gladwin. By Jove, you're a wonderful chap ! 

Wilson. Fve got to be to keep out of jail. 

Gladwin. But to take another's property 

Wilson. Don't you think I work hard for what 
I get? 

Gladwin. Yes, I do. 

Wilson. And I really love good pictures. 

Gladwin. See here — you've worked so hard for 
mine — Fm going to give them to you — here. (Picks 
bundle up from trunk and gives it to Wilson) 

Wilson. You've been so generous I can't take 
them now — here. (Takes pictures from under his 
coat and hands them to Gladwin, who has dropped 
other bundle. Wilson glances at Helen) When 
a man goes wrong, Gladwin, it's easy to keep going 
until something sets him right — and that something 
is often a woman. You've beaten me to the only 
thing Fve really wanted. 

Gladwin. I shall always remember you, Wilson. 

Wilson. And I shall always remember you, 
Gladwin. (Seeing Bateato in the hallway) Come 



I04 OFFICER 666 

here a moment. (Bateato enters c.) Would you 
like to catch this thief? 

Bateato. (Delighted) 'Eas, sair ! 

Wilson. He's in your master's room — now, go 
up there and bang on the door and yell police, and 
when he comes down I'll nab him. 

(Bateato looks at Gladwin.) 

Gladwin. Go on, Beatty. 

Wilson. Hurry! (Bateato rims upstairs and 
pounds on door yelling. Noise upstairs. '' Come 
out, tief — come out — / got you — come out" etc.) 
That'll fetch them. (Captain, Kearney and 
Policemen all go upstairs shouting. Wilson is 
hiding up r. as they pass. When they have gone 
upstairs, Wilson goes to c. and looks up, and then 
turns to Gladwin and Helen) You can tell them 
that the thief's escaped. Good-night ! (He exits 
and door slams) 

Gladwin. By Jove, I hope he makes it ! (Auto 
off l. Noise of motor is heard off l. and honk of 
horn) He's gone! 

Barnes. (Enters followed by Sadie. Hand- 
cuffs are off) Hear that noise ? Upstairs? I think 
they've got him. 

(There is a noise in chest, and lid is suddenly 
thrown up.) 

Phelan. (Rising out of chest) Where the hell 
am I? I remember now — they doped me — they 
threw — (He looks at himself) Holy murder! Me 
uniform is gone again ! (He gets out of the trunk 
and starts up c.) If I stay in this house an hour 
longer, I won't have any clothes at all — this will 
be me finish, sure. (He gets half way to the door 
when the Captain enters) 



OFFICER (£6 105 

Captain. What's the matter with you, Phelan? 
Where's your uniform? 

Phelan. There was two fellows, sir 

Captain. I see now — that thief got away in it. 
I'll break you for this — you report at Headquarters 
at once! (Captain exits followed by Policemen) 
Come on, men. 

Phelan. Now see what you've done for me — 
I've lost me job — I'm broke! 

Gladwin. Oh, no, you're not! Here's that five 
hundred dollar bill I gave you a while ago — better 
put it in the bank or somebody'U get it away from 
you again! 

Phelan. But I've lost me job! 

Gladwin. No, you haven't — didn't I tell you 
I'd protect you? 

Phelan. Yes. 

Gladwin. I'll give you a job for life. 

Phelan. What? 

Gladwin. I'm going to have you watch all my 
pictures for me, because you're a wonderful cop. 

Phelan. I'm a hell of a cop, I am! (Exit) 

Barnes. By Jove, you got that thrill, Travers! 

Gladwin. Thrills are just beginning with us, 
Barnes. 

Barnes. So they are! 

Gladwin. (To Helen) Try to keep on liking 
Travers Gladwin, won't you? 

Helen. I can't comprehend it — it seems just as 
if it couldn't happen except in a play. 

Gladwin. Believe me, dear, it couldn't! 

Curtain 



»EC 



& ««• 



